


Political Junkies

by patchfire, raving_liberal



Series: Political Junkies [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: American University, Burt Hummel for Congress, College Applications, Fix-It, Guys in Suits, Kleak-up, Kurt Hummel for Student Body President, M/M, Multi, Not Applying to Just One College, Political Campaigns, Politics, Presidential Classroom, Rated M for Swearing, Season/Series 03, Sexual Situations, Sneaking Around Doing Politics, The West Wing-Inspired, and politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 19:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/raving_liberal/pseuds/raving_liberal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A month after Puck turns six, a month after kindergarten finally starts, his mom says that he can stay up and watch a television show with her. Twelve years later, that show drastically alters the course of Puck, Finn, and Kurt's lives, as Puck and Finn venture into the field of political campaigning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Candidate

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't you always wonder why Puck knew who Ross Perot even was?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohio's own Josh Lyman.

A month after Noah turns six, a month after kindergarten finally starts, his mom says that he can stay up and watch a television show with her. He doesn’t really understand any of what he’s watching or most of what they’re talking about, but his mom lets him stay up late to watch the show. As the weeks go by, Puck starts to appreciate the way the characters on the show talk, and he begins to understand a little of what the show is about. The President. His staff. His family. Their families. He memorizes the characters’ names: Josh and Toby first, because his mother proudly points out that they are Jewish, just like Noah; C.J. and Sam and Leo and _President Bartlet_ and Mrs. Bartlet; Zoe and Charlie and Donna. 

When the summer comes, Noah misses their show, and when it comes back, he and his mom are both happy. Their show is what they have in common, even when his mom gets pregnant and then has his little sister, even when Noah’s dad leaves, even when Noah starts asking people at school to call him Puck. 

The summer before middle school, they call Puck’s mom and tell her they want to move him up a class for math. Puck doesn’t want to do it, because what kind of nerd takes smart classes? But his mom talks to him about polling data and statistics, about how if he learns the math, eventually he wouldn’t need a Joey Lucas to explain the statistics to him. 

Puck goes into the advanced math class without a word. He sits in the back and does his work, and no one knows about it except Puck and his mom. 

Puck is twelve and finishing sixth grade when the show ends, and his mom cries, and Puck cries, too, because what will he watch with his mom, now? He cries in his bedroom, not in front of anyone else, not even his mom or his sister. Sometimes that summer his mom turns on news programs about politics, and by the time the 2006 midterms come along, Puck’s kind of hooked on _real_ politics, too. It’s not like he’s going to say anything to anyone, but when his Hanukkah present is the boxed set of _all_ of the show, the first thing he does is call Finn. 

The next thing they do is inhale the series over what’s left of winter break, Puck enthusiastically trying to explain the series to Finn without giving anything away. They finish it in January and Puck starts making Finn watch the political shows with him sometimes, going to the internet for more information about different names and races and issues.

Sometimes Puck even reads some books about politics, and he thinks it’s too bad that none of their classes at school are actually interesting and relevant. History should be, in theory, but they spend all of seventh grade on geography that Puck can look up even on his slow computer, and eighth grade ends up being entirely Ohio state history. Instead, he keeps watching things like CSPAN and MSNBC, reading things online, and always rewatching parts of _West Wing_.

By the time Puck and Finn start high school, Finn’s figured out about Puck’s math class, but he promises never to mention it, not to anyone, and that’s more or less that. Even during sophomore year, after Finn finds out about Quinn and the baby, he doesn’t say anything. 

He doesn’t say anything when he arrives at Puck’s to watch their shows, either. Puck’s mom lets him in, and Finn sits at the opposite end of the couch from Puck. They lean away from each other most of the time that they’re watching, and the only times that either of them speak, it’s in a monotone, directly related to the issues being discussed on their shows. It still stays between Puck and Finn, and it gives Puck some hope, even if it’s only a slight hope. 

Which is why Puck leaves the paperwork out a few times when Finn shows up over the summer, paperwork for the program in DC in the fall. It’s just over a week, plus the travel time, and Puck knows he can’t exactly tell people at McKinley where he’s going, not and have any of them believe him, but he wants Finn to at least guess at the truth, whatever story ends up being told. 

The program is how Puck ends up keeping his head shaved, instead of the mohawk, for months, and it’s how Puck ends up with more suits than he ever thought he’d own. The program, Presidential Classroom, is more fun than Puck expects, even after years of following politics, and when he comes back, it takes all of Puck’s self-control not to laugh at the rumor he was in juvie for stealing an ATM. He makes up some stories about juvie, since that’s apparently what’s expected, and decides to try actually talking to Finn when he shows up the next time. 

Because Finn is the only person who knows how much Puck loves all of the politics, who gets why Puck’s obsessed with the build-up to the midterms, and who can possibly understand just how awesome a full week in DC was. It all makes Puck glad they’ve kept at least some of their grades under wraps, and as part of his efforts to talk to Finn, Puck orders pizza five minutes before Finn arrives on Sunday. If it’s a total flop, at least he can fall back on eating pizza. 

Puck waits until they’ve been sitting down for a couple of minutes before he says anything. “I wasn’t in juvie,” he says, angling his body towards the middle of the room, instead of the arm of the sofa. “I wasn’t even in Ohio.” 

“I didn’t think you were really in juvie,” Finn replies.

“No? You figure I’d at least knock over a bank, not an ATM, or what?”

Finn shrugs. “I thought maybe it was a Jewish thing. I know you don’t want anybody to see you wearing the little hat.”

Puck snorts back a laugh. “Yeah, I don’t, but no. I was in DC.” He can’t help but grin as he says it. 

“Yeah?” Finn asks.

“I got in. The Presidential Classroom thing,” Puck explains. “It was _awesome_.”

“Like in _Isaac and Ishmael_?” Finn asks, bouncing in his seat. “Did you meet the President? _Did you meet Rahm Emanuel?_ ”

Puck’s grin gets bigger. “No, I didn’t get to meet either of them, but yeah, like _Isaac and Ishmael_. I _did_ get to meet Senator Brown. And we got to listen to a talk from Hillary’s deputy.” 

“That is so _awesome_ , dude! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Puck shrugs. “I wasn’t sure they’d take me. And, I mean…” he trails off a little, shrugging again. “Things were how they were.” 

“Yeah,” Finn says. He stops the excited bouncing and nods slowly. “Yeah, that makes sense. Still, that’s really cool, Puck.”

“I now own way more suits than I ever thought I would, though,” Puck says wryly. “You wanna see some pictures? We went to the Smithsonian one morning, too.” 

“Yeah! You should tell me all about every single minute!”

“Cool.” Puck grins again and goes to get his phone, pulling up the album of pictures from DC. “First of all, the airport in DC? Is _huge_.” 

It doesn’t fix things, going over pictures and everything Puck did in DC, but it’s a start, and the two of them spend the night of Election Day at Puck’s, fists clenching and gritting their teeth, and between that and the football championship two months later, Puck feels like he and Finn are headed back to relatively solid ground. The new year’s pretty quiet—there’s not a lot of races that will be decided in 2011, or at least it doesn’t look like there will be, so Finn and Puck spend the spring and summer watching the Republican primary contenders for 2012. 

In the fall, when they start senior year, their US Representative resigns, and Puck winces at the thought of Congresswoman Sylvester. A week later, Kurt announces he’s running for class president, and Puck spends a few days mulling over whether he and Finn, or even just Puck, should offer some of what they know, because they know a lot more than anyone would even begin to suspect. Brittany volunteers first, though, and even after she quits, Puck considers that he has to be willing to work with both a candidate and a candidate’s significant other. That, Puck figures, is probably not something he’s willing to do, so he doesn’t say anything. 

Just a couple of weeks later, though, Puck’s sitting around, ignoring his English homework, when his phone rings, Finn’s name flashing on the screen, and Puck picks it up to answer. 

“‘Sup?” 

“Oh my god, you are never gonna guess what,” Finn says, talking super fast and sounding borderline-ecstatic. 

Puck sits up, looking around his room for his shoes, because whatever it is, it sounds like something that requires leaving his room. “What is it?” 

“Guess who’s running for the congressional seat?” Finn says. “Just guess.”

“Besides Sylvester, you mean?” Puck frowns. “No one from the city council. The dude from the school board? Not Bryan Ryan, the other one with the rhyming names?”

“No! It’s Burt! Like, Kurt’s _dad_ Burt!”

“Holy shit.” Puck almost drops his shoe. “He hasn’t _hired_ anyone yet, has he? And fuck, how’s he gonna pull off running as a Democrat in Allen County?”

“No, he only just told us,” Finn says. “Oh, wait, maybe he did hire somebody. Let me ask.” Puck can hear Finn putting his hand over the phone, but even muffled, Finn’s voice carries. “Burt, you didn’t hire a campaign manager yet, right?” After a mumbled reply from Burt, Finn speaks into the phone again, “He says no.”

“You think the state party’ll try to send someone? Or, hell, the DCCC? I mean, what if we get a Will Bailey out here? Competent, sure, but if they send him someone from a surefire blue state, they’re not gonna get it.” Puck finishes pulling on his shoes and stands up as he talks. “Want me to come over?”

“Yeah, obviously,” Finn says. “See you in ten, dude. We’ll talk about it when you get here.”

Puck grabs his backpack and his keys, yelling to his mom that he’s going to Finn’s and not waiting for a response before he leaves. While he drives, he wonders if Burt wouldn’t do better running as an independent, depending on what support the state and national parties are willing to offer, considering how right-leaning Allen County and the rest of the congressional district tend to lean. Puck parks on the street and walks up to the door and straight in without knocking. 

“So how are you going to position your message given the overall conservative bent to the district?” Puck asks when he walks into their living room, where Finn, Kurt, Carole, and Burt are all sitting. 

“Well, hello to you, too, Noah,” Carole says. 

“He’s gonna have to make it single issue!” Finn says. “Right? I mean, he can’t take the district if it comes down to the values voters.”

Carole looks between Finn and Puck with a confused expression, then she puts the back of her hand on Finn’s forehead. “Finn, honey, are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, too much emphasis on fiscal issues and the Tea Party types’ll get too riled up, and on the other side, they’d kill him on choice or marriage equality,” Puck agrees, sitting down next to him and pulling a notebook out of his backpack. “Hey, Mrs. H.” He turns to Burt with an eyebrow raised while he rifles for a pen with one hand. “Did you have one particular issue? Or two or three, you could maybe get out a quick and dirty poll in the next few days and go from there.” 

Burt looks even more confused than Carole, his gaze going from Puck to Finn and back to Puck. “I was thinking about funding for the arts in school when I agreed to run,” Burt says. “If you think marriage equality is out as an issue, I suppose we can backburner it.” He gives Kurt an apologetic look, then turns back to Puck. “How can I avoid the financial aspect if—wait, why am I talking to a seventeen year old and an eighteen year old like they’re campaign staff?” 

Puck hides a grin and nudges Finn with his elbow while he starts writing. “I think we’ve been found out, dude,” he whispers. 

“Oh well,” Finn says, shrugging. “It was gonna happen sooner or later.”

“Finn Hudson!” Carole suddenly exclaims. “Have you been sneaking around doing _politics_?”

“Hey! At least _I_ didn’t skip school for a week to go to D.C.!” Finn retorts.

“It was an excused absence!” Puck says, shaking his head. “It’s not _my_ fault someone made up a story about juvie.” 

Kurt squawks indignantly. Puck glances at him briefly, then looks back at Burt, who looks just as confused as he did before, and Puck shakes his head again. 

“We’ve been following politics pretty closely since sixth grade,” Puck explains. “Last year I went to Presidential Classroom in the fall. And…” he trails off, looking at Finn. “Should I even tell ‘em the college stuff?” he whispers. 

Finn nods. “Yeah, if you tell, maybe they’ll let us help for real.”

“Yeah, we’re not going to get into Georgetown or anything,” Puck says, “but we’ve looked at George Washington and American. American’s probably our best shot, and they have this two-week campaign management institute, too. Finn’s more a CJ, though, he can really charm the press.” 

“What’s a CJ?” Carole asks. “Finn, I’m so confused about all of this. If you’re so into this political stuff, why is your history grade always so low?”

“History classes are boring,” Finn explains. “We like the real thing.”

“Yeah, when I talked to people at Presidential Classroom, most of the better schools don’t do history like they do at McKinley,” Puck says. “McKinley’s social science program is way outdated. And the foreign language instruction is awful. It’s not _worth_ our effort.” 

“Let me get this straight,” Burt says, scratching his head briefly. “You boys know enough about politics that you want to, what? Help with my campaign?” 

Puck exchanges a glance with Finn. “Not exactly _help_ ,” he says slowly. Finn raises his eyebrows and nods faintly at Puck. “We want to run it.” Then Puck sits back a little and waits for the other three to react. 

Burt just gapes at Puck and Finn, turning to stare at Carole. “What?” Carole asks. “I didn’t know about any of this!”

“Dad, you can’t really consider letting them run your campaign,” Kurt says. 

Puck smirks, putting the cap back on his pen and turning his notebook towards Kurt. “I’m guessing you think you know of someone who has a better timeline for him for the next three days? Polling data’ll help shape the days after that, as well as initial response and donors.” He turns towards Burt. “We’re a lot less expensive than whoever the state party or the DCCC wants to send, and we know the district. Also probably better than whoever gets sent here.” 

“You set up the press conference for 5:30, right?” Finn asks Burt. “Local news, so that’s free media, and free is good.”

“That’s what _I_ wrote down,” Puck says. “I was thinking you could introduce him. Or, hmm.” He grabs his pen again, turning his notebook around, and he looks between Kurt and Finn. “Maybe both of you should introduce him. Heartwarming family moment, then you can go stand with Carole and smile.” 

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to be on camera, at least not at the beginning,” Kurt says quietly. 

Puck frowns at Kurt and shakes his head. “Just don’t wear something like that sweater with the woman’s face on it you had years ago,” he says. “If you aren’t on camera, there’s gonna be questions about why you aren’t.” 

Kurt frowns and shakes his head. “If neither of us are on camera, there won’t be.”

“I’m not going to bench two of Burt’s biggest potential assets,” Puck insists. “Why would he care about arts funding in the schools without showing how his own family has benefitted?” Puck grins suddenly. “Do you want some image advice ahead of time?”

Kurt huffs and makes his prissy face. “From you? I think I’ll pass.”

“ _I_ want to be on camera,” Finn insists. “ _I’ll_ take image advice!”

“‘Course you do, you’re a CJ,” Puck says, still grinning, but he turns to look at Finn. “Congressional special election, we might as well combine communications director and spokesperson, right?” 

“What’s this ‘CJ’ thing you two keep talking about, anyway?” Kurt asks irritably, crossing his arms. 

“ _West Wing_.” Puck looks at Finn. “What do you think, you think he’s a Sam? Or maybe a Toby.” 

“He’s grumpy like a Toby,” Finn points out.

“I’m not grumpy!” Kurt says.

“You’re grumpy,” Finn insists.

“I’m not!”

“Well, sometimes you’re a little grumpy,” Carole says, looking like she’s trying to conceal a laugh. “But Puck, I had no idea you and Finn had seen _West Wing_!”

“I’ve seen it all twice,” Finn says.

“Three times for me,” Puck says, “and we’ve seen some episodes four or five times.” 

“Or six!” Finn says.

“We were really hoping for a floor vote at the convention in ‘08, like on the show, but it didn’t happen,” Puck says with a little bit of a sigh. 

“If you’re so good at all of this, why didn’t you offer to help me with my student body president campaign?” Kurt demands. 

Puck shrugs. “Not gonna speak for Finn, but for me, I decided a couple of years ago I wasn’t gonna work on a campaign unless I could work with the candidate’s family and significant other, too.” 

“Well, _clearly_ you have no problem working with my family!” Kurt says. Finn snorts in that covering-up-a-laugh way.

“Then I guess it must be your significant other,” Puck says blandly. 

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Kurt says in a rising shriek.

“Yeah,” Finn agrees.

Burt starts laughing, concealing it pretty poorly. “I, uh, I think he’s objecting to Blaine,” he says to Kurt. “That’s a smart policy in general, though, kid,” he tells Puck, who nods once. 

“I’m a lot of things, Kurt, but I’m not a masochist, and as far as I know, Finn isn’t either,” Puck tries to explain. “Blaine would argue with everything we said, trying to explain why he knows how to do it better, whether he does or not. That’s too much stress for a high school election.” 

Puck watches with some amusement as Kurt’s face slowly gets red. Kurt huffs again, before protesting, “That is completely uncalled for! I’ve always supported you in all your—”

Finn interrupts Kurt with, “Notice he didn’t say you were _wrong_.”

“Yeah, I did notice that,” Puck agrees, as Burt stands up and offers his hand to Carole. 

“We’ll let you boys finish with this, and Carole and I will discuss my campaign for half an hour or so,” Burt says. 

“I understand,” Puck says, nodding at Burt again as he and Carole leave the room. “Kurt, we’re not saying anything about your candidacy. Just that unless you were willing to shut Blaine out of giving you any advice whatsoever, we didn’t really want to go there.” He looks at Finn again. “Sorry, I’m just assuming that was your reasoning. We didn’t really talk about it.” 

Finn shrugs. “I just figured he wouldn’t want my help.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly figure he’d say _yes_ , at least not right away, even if I did offer,” Puck admits. “But that’s why I didn’t offer.” He looks back at Kurt, who looks even redder than before. 

“Hello,” Kurt says. “I’m right here in front of you.”

“Hi,” Puck says brightly, smirking. “Did you want to comment about Blaine? Or the desirability of our help?” 

Kurt lets out a high-pitched growl, then says, “Your support would have been appreciated.”

“Well, I was planning on voting for you,” Finn says. “Don’t tell Rachel.”

Puck makes a whipping motion with his hand as he makes a cracking noise, smirking at Kurt and Finn. Finn glares back at Puck.

“Shut up,” Finn mumbles.

“Was there anything else you two political ingenues needed me for?” Kurt asks.

“Yeah, I prefer the term ‘wunderkind’,” Puck says easily, still smirking. 

Finn raises his hand. “‘Golden child’. Or ‘boy genius’.”

“Offer’s open, if you agree to the terms about Blaine,” Puck adds with a little shrug. “I mean, if people actually voted on the merits of the candidates, you’d win in a landslide, but they don’t, especially not in high school elections.” 

“I’ll consider it,” Kurt says, pressing his lips together into a tight frown after he speaks. 

“We should make him watch _West Wing_ ,” Puck says to Finn. “He might think he’s a Bartlet, though.” 

“Yeah, definitely not a Bartlet,” Finn says, nodding. “But maybe a Sam.”

“A Sam?” Kurt asks.

“Yeah, _West Wing_ first,” Finn says. “Puck’s a Josh.”

“I’m _the_ Josh,” Puck insists. “Only difference is I’m not going to have a receding hairline at an early age.” 

“It’s already receded as much as it’ll go on the sides,” Finn says.

“Shut up,” Puck grumbles. “Bad enough the mohawk’s got a time limit on it.” 

“Fine, I’ll watch _West Wing_ , or at least a few episodes,” Kurt concedes. “Is that your only other stipulation?”

“Can you think of anything else?” Puck asks Finn. “Good thing we lightened our schedules this year so we weren’t wasting time on McKinley’s version of classes, I guess.” 

Finn twists up his mouth as he thinks about it, then nods once. “Yeah. You can’t act like you’re smarter than us. I mean, we _know_ you’re smarter than us, but not about this stuff.”

“Bet he doesn’t know any Arabic, either,” Puck says with a grin. 

Kurt’s mouth drops open. “You two know Arabic?”

“I can’t write it,” Finn says, sounding almost apologetic. “I can read it a little, but mostly it’s the spoken stuff.”

“It was Arabic or Chinese,” Puck explains. “I already at least knew Hebrew, which isn’t the same, but it was a little bit of an advantage.” He shrugs. “We had to save for a bit to afford the program.” 

“Yeah, that Rosetta Stone stuff is like _super_ expensive,” Finn says.

“You two bought Rosetta Stone to learn Arabic?” Kurt says, looking askance at Finn. “But... _why_?”

“Spanish is boring, and McKinley doesn’t have an Arabic teacher,” Finn says. 

“We knew what we wanted to do years before you ever even heard of that NYADA place. We just don’t go talking about it to everyone.” Puck shrugs. “ _West Wing_ ’s on Netflix, I think. If it’s not, I’ve got the box set at home.” 

“It is,” Finn says. “I’ve watched _Transition_ like seven or nine times.”

“That’s just ‘cause you like the end, where they get on the—” Puck looks at Kurt guiltily. “Sorry, don’t want to spoil anything.” 

“Yeah,” Finn concedes, smiling sheepishly.

“Real question, I guess, is who’s my Donna?” Puck muses. 

“I’ll look for it,” Kurt says. “I’ll get back to you after.”

“Another successful convert,” Puck says, holding his fist up for Finn to bump as Burt comes back into the living room. 

“I have just a couple of questions, boys,” Burt says, looking mainly at Finn. “Is this going to affect your grades or other activities, Finn?” 

“No way,” Finn says. Puck swallows a laugh, because they already spend a lot of time planning fake campaigns and media strategies, not to mention they’ve had to up their time prepping for college applications. 

“Another thing, Puckerman. I’m not crazy about the idea of introducing my campaign staff as ‘Puck’.” 

“I knew it would happen sooner or later,” Puck says to Finn, then looks back at Burt. “Yeah, you can introduce me as Noah.” Puck looks around to make sure Kurt left, hopefully to find _West Wing_ on Netflix, then sighs. “I don’t really want to, but I can shave the mohawk, too.” 

“It’s gonna have to go eventually anyway,” Finn points out. “We can send it off in style.”

“Yeah, but I thought I’d manage another fifteen months or so,” Puck says. 

“Let’s get through your initial three days and then we’ll decide about your… mohawk,” Burt says, looking like he can’t quite understand how he ended up running for Congress, much less discussing the mohawk on one of his campaign managers. 

Puck grins. “I like the sound of the first part of that sentence,” he says, nudging Finn. “Did you already pick a venue for the announcement press conference? Maybe the auditorium at McKinley, to tie into the arts funding issue.” 

“See, I was thinking on front of the tire shop,” Finn counters. “Make him look, you know. Folksy and blue collar.”

“He can’t literally be wearing a blue collar though,” Puck points out. “It needs to be an off the rack suit, too. Tailored, sure, but something from Elder-Beerman at the mall at the nicest.” Puck grabs his notebook and starts writing again. “If it was the tire shop, you or Kurt _could_ have coveralls on, maybe.” 

“Yeah, I could wear them, but you know Kurt won’t want to,” Finn says. “Mine have my name on them, though!”

“Yeah, Kurt wearing ‘em is a long-shot,” Puck agrees, but he makes a note to mention it to Kurt anyway, mainly to see the look on Kurt’s face. “What’s the most fuel-efficient vehicle you own?” he asks Burt. 

“Huh?” Burt asks. 

“You’re not going to get many outside donations if you’re standing in front of a gas guzzler. Hybrid’d be best, but a regular old sedan will work.” Puck frowns and looks at Finn. “Or do you think we should borrow a hybrid or electric car? Locals mostly won’t notice, but if it brought in some outside environmental money, it might be worth it.” 

“Rachel’s Flintstones car,” Finn suggests. 

“Oh, yeah, that’s right, she’s got that Volt or whatever.” Puck nods and makes a note. “Yeah, that’s good. In front of Rachel’s car, just a microphone, I think. Can you memorize your announcement speech, Burt?” 

“If it’s not too long, I guess,” Burt says slowly. 

“They’ll ask you questions. The important thing to remember is, if you don’t accept the premise of the question—”

“Don’t answer it,” Finn finishes.

“You’ll have to be ready to jump in if anything gets too out of hand,” Puck says, nodding at Finn. “That probably won’t happen until later in the campaign, though.”

“What have I gotten myself into?” Burt asks. 

Puck grins, making another note on his page and tilting it towards Finn. It says ‘more like what colleges are we going to be able to get into now’, and Finn snickers. 

“We’ll meet at the tire shop at 4:30 tomorrow,” Puck says. “That’ll give us all time to review the game plan. Have a draft of your announcement speech so we can look at the language.” 

Burt nods, still looking somewhat stunned, and he stands, offering his hand. “Well, boys, I think this’ll be an adventure.” 

Puck shakes his hand, still grinning, and after Burt’s shaken Finn’s hand and left the room, Puck turns to Finn. “Okay, what do _we_ need to do right now?” He runs his hand over his head. “And what do you think about the ‘hawk?”

“Well, I’ll be in coveralls, you have those suits, if they still fit you, so all of that’s taken care of,” Finn says, tilting his head to one side as he looks at Puck. “And the mohawk. Ehhh.”

“Ehhh?” Puck raises one eyebrow. 

“I don’t want to say you should shave it.”

“But?” Puck prompts. 

“But you should shave it,” Finn says, with a little sigh at the end.

“Yeah, I was afraid of that,” Puck concedes. “You’d better make sure you have at least one suit that still fits, though, ‘cause the coveralls are only going to work the first day.”


	2. The Other Candidate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dudes before Jews.

Puck’s head feels naked the next day, even after school, and he figures it’ll take another day or two to get used to it without the mohawk, if not more. As soon as the bell rings for the end of last period, he and Finn pack up their plans for days four through six and head toward what Finn says is Rachel’s last period class, so they can convince her to bring her car over to the shop. 

“My favorite fellow Jew,” Puck greets her. “Your boyfriend and I have a request. Well, not really just us, but close enough.” 

“Okay,” Rachel says slowly. “Finn, what is it? You know I have rehearsal later this evening.” 

“We need your car,” Finn says. “Not for driving. Just for parking.”

“What? What on earth are you talking about? Is this some kind of football thing?” Rachel asks. 

Finn shakes his head. “For Burt’s congressional campaign announcement.”

“Oh.” Rachel frowns slightly. “Kurt said some very odd things, like the two of you were considering helping with the campaign? Which is very sweet of you, of course, and I’m sure Burt appreciates it, Finn, but don’t you think it’s best to leave it to people with the appropriate knowledge?” 

Puck doesn’t say anything, but he snorts, shaking his head a little at Rachel’s tone of faint condescension. Finn doesn’t seem to notice, though, because he just smiles at Rachel.

“We’ve got knowledge. Puck’s especially got knowledge,” Finn says. “Kurt’ll be able to understand better once he finishes _West Wing_.”

“Finn, think about how it will look for Burt if they find out he has a campaign volunteer who’s been to juvenile detention!” Rachel says, casting an apologetic look at Puck. “I’m sorry, Noah, but it’s true. It could really hurt Burt’s chances if that came out.” 

“But Puck didn’t really go to juvie!” Finn protests. 

“What on earth are you talking about? He was gone, and everyone said he was,” Rachel says, and Puck tries not to laugh at the direction the conversation’s taken. “Finn, if he wasn’t there, then where was he?” 

“Washington, D.C.,” Finn says, like that should be obvious. 

Rachel turns to look at Puck, who nods, and then she looks back at Finn. “I’m very confused. What was it you needed? My car?”

“Yeah, we need outside money from environmental groups,” Puck explains. “I can practically smell college acceptances with this.” 

“Oh, of course! Because it’s so much more environmentally friendly than most cars in Lima.” Rachel beams at Puck for a brief moment, then looks back at Finn. 

“Dude, maybe we shouldn’t take George Washington off the table,” Finn says, grinning back at Puck.

“What are you talking about?” Rachel asks. “You’re looking at George Washington? Isn’t that in _D.C._?” she adds as they walk through the parking lot. 

“Well, not, like, _looking_ -looking,” Finn says. “Okay, so maybe Puck is looking and I’m riding on his tail.”

“Coattails,” Puck says absently. “And you aren’t.” 

“I—why D.C.?” Rachel demands, stopping in front of her car, which is parked pretty close to Puck’s truck, conveniently. “Why haven’t I heard about these plans? What _other_ schools are you looking at? Are you even looking at any schools in New York?” She puts her fists on her hips, eyes boring into Finn. 

“American. University of D.C. as a backup plan,” Finn mumbles. 

“Finn!” Rachel’s eyes get wide, and Puck wonders if she’s going to stamp her foot or throw her hands up in the air. “You’ve, you’ve _hidden_ this from me.” She huffs, her nostrils flaring, and unlocks her car. “I’ll see you at Burt’s shop.” She gets in the car, barely waiting for Finn and Puck to be out of the way before she pulls out. 

“Huh.” Puck stares after her car for a minute and shrugs. “We ought to go on and head over, get changed.” He starts to walk towards his truck, then turns back to Finn. “You need a lift?”

“Yeah, cool,” Finn says. 

“You leaving that on under the coveralls?” Puck asks they get in the truck. “We’d better _hide_ this thing from the press.” 

“I’ll just leave on the t-shirt and jeans,” Finn says. “I’ve got boots there, too.”

“Yeah, that’s good. You think Burt has a good statement, or you think he’s going to need to use the one we wrote earlier?” 

“We should look over both of them.”

“Yeah. Good idea.” Puck frowns as they stop at a light. “We should call all the local stations again, make sure they’re sending reporters and cameras. Maybe one of them will propose a debate so we don’t have to. Not sure we _want_ one, but if it gets suggested by someone else, maybe Sylvester’ll reject it and Burt can look like he would have done a debate.” 

“Yeah, we really don’t want him to debate if we can help it,” Finn agrees. “First time Coach Sylvester calls Kurt one of her nicknames for him, Burt’ll come over the podium at her.”

Puck snorts as the light changes. “Yeah, that’s the kind of free media we definitely don’t want. It’s a good thing this is a special election, shortened campaign. It’ll give Burt a little time to toughen up before a full run next year.” He pulls into the shop and parks as far around the side as he can manage. “Guess it’s time to put on the suit,” he says with a little grimace. 

“Have fun with that,” Finn says, grinning. “I’ll just go put on my coveralls.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Puck grumbles, following Finn into the shop. He’s not been there that enough, but often enough to find the bathroom without anyone directing him, and he changes in there. By the time he finishes and leaves the bathroom, he can hear Finn and Kurt’s voices talking, along with Burt’s, and he grabs his backpack and follows the sound, coming up behind them. 

“Oh!” Kurt says suddenly.

“Yeah,” Finn says in apparent agreement. “That’s a suit, alright.”

Puck turns towards them, frowning, but they aren’t laughing. “Don’t make fun of me,” he says anyway.

“We’re not!” Finn insists. “Are we, Kurt?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No, no, I’m just... surprised, I suppose.”

“You look so _old_ ,” Finn says. “Like an adult!”

“Oh.” Puck shrugs. “Probably something Burt appreciates, then.” He looks between Burt and Finn. “You look at his statement yet?” 

“Yeeeeah, you should look at it,” Finn says.

“I’ll take that as a ‘get out ours’,” Puck says, reaching into his backpack and then holding out his hand for Burt’s statement, which Burt hands to him with a slight frown. It’s not a bad statement, overall, but it’s less than a paragraph, and Puck grabs his pen, starting to mark up the statement he and Finn put together with a few additions from Burt’s. “Shit, we’ve only got about an hour. Kurt, you type the fastest, can you type this up and print it out?” Puck asks. “Finn and I’ll get everything set up outside and make those press calls.” 

“Oh, yes, I can do that,” Kurt says. 

“While you’re out there, keep an eye out for the person the state party was sending,” Burt says. “I’m not sure what time they were going to be here. Or who it is, even.” 

“Hopefully someone about fundraising,” Puck admits. “That’s not our strength.” 

“Oh, crap, I guess we never did have to worry about the money,” Finn says. 

“Yeah, exactly.” Puck hands the statement to Kurt, putting his notebook and pen away, and heads towards the front of the shop. “On the plus side, media buys are probably cheaper in Lima than in the big presidential markets at least.” Puck shakes his head. “We’re going to probably have to spend most of our money on radio ads, not television.” 

“Ooh baby, keep talking about media buys,” Finn jokes. “That’s so hot.”

Burt chuckles. “Enjoy yourselves but not too much, boys,” he says, then he turns back into the shop, and Puck hopes it’s so he can change, since Burt’s still got on his work clothes and a baseball cap. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Puck says. “I know you’re just gunning to be my Amy Gardner.” 

“Oh, no, he’s your Donna,” Kurt pipes up suddenly.

Puck looks back at Kurt and shakes his head. “Nah, pretty sure Finn’s not into that,” he says, winking at the end of the sentence. 

“Yeah,” Finn says, laughing a little too loudly. 

“I don’t understand,” Kurt says.

“He’s only through season four,” Finn explains.

“Yeah, but that means he’s seen Josh with Cliff and everything,” Puck argues. “By the end of season four, it’s pretty obvious where they’re headed.” He grins. “I mean, c’mon, Donna wouldn’t stop for red lights.” 

“Oh,” Kurt says, very softly. “Oh. Yes. I... yes, that’s true. Of course.”

“Don’t spoil him!” Finn says. “Puck, you’ve gotta let him see it happen like we did!”

“I’m just saying that it’s there!” Puck protests. “Sorkin did a great job setting it up.” He turns to Kurt and shrugs. “Who knows how I’ll find my Donna?” It’s not that he _couldn’t_ think of Finn that way, but Finn’s completely straight, so why bother? Puck’s never really been completely sure his overly subtle boys or girls or whoever statements have even worked for coming out, and he has no idea if Kurt just picked up on that or not. 

“May we all be so lucky,” Kurt says, maybe a little too diplomatically. “Let me know when you’re ready for me to type that up for you.”

"May as well go ahead. It won't be perfect, but Burt'll need time to go over it beforehand." Puck shrugs and turns towards the makeshift stage area, which isn’t going to be elevated at all, and there’s no lectern, so maybe he shouldn’t even think of it as a stage. It’s where the cameras will be focused, though, and Puck mentally sketches out where everyone can stand, and where Rachel’s car can be parked. 

He and Finn work together, moving a few things and pacing out distances, and Puck doesn’t really notice the sounds of cars pulling into the lot. Eventually, though, he does notice that Blaine’s there, standing by his car and looking around like he’s very confused, and Puck snorts to himself, turning back to his notebook and writing down another thought, not for that day but later on in the campaign. 

“Finn?” Blaine says a few minutes later. “I was going to meet Kurt here, and of course lend my support to Burt in any way he needs it. Is Kurt here?”

“He’s typing something up for us,” Finn says, not giving any further explanation of where to find Kurt.

“You can stand over there,” Puck adds, gesturing to the right of the stage area as he pivots. “Not past what’s even with the yellow pole.” 

“Oh! Puck!” Blaine looks startled. “I didn’t realize that was you.” 

Puck smirks a little, mostly to himself. “Yep. A few more steps back.” Puck walks over to Finn as Blaine does take two more steps backwards. “Good thing we’re not stupid enough to try to get _him_ elected for anything,” Puck whispers to Finn. 

“Student body jackass,” Finn whispers back.

“Now I wish the statement was shorter so Kurt’d get out here,” Puck says, voice still quiet, and when he looks towards Blaine, Blaine’s peering at them curiously. 

“Is there anything I can do to help? You know, I want to make sure and tell Burt today that I have a few ideas about issues he should bring up. For example, I think taking a strong stand from day one on marriage equality would—”

“Nope, we’re focusing on the arts,” Finn interrupts. “Allen County.”

Blaine takes a deep breath, and Puck thinks he can literally see him puff up. “Marriage equality may not be of any importance to either of you, but—”

“Oh, you don’t know what’s important to us,” Puck says, rolling his eyes. “But what’s important _right now_ is getting Burt elected.” 

“You don’t understand how much it would mean to me or to Kurt, if—”

“We’re gonna need you to not talk to the candidate,” Finn cuts in. “If you have anything you’d like to share with him, you can schedule an appointment or, uh. Write it up and submit it?”

Blaine pouts, trying to look injured or something. “Finn, surely you don’t mean that I shouldn’t converse with my own boyfriend’s father? He needs to hear from his constituents.” 

“You’re not eighteen,” Puck says blandly. “You aren’t a constituent.” He nudges Finn with his elbow. “Whistle for Kurt or something.” 

“I’ll do you one better and go get him,” Finn says. 

Puck watches Finn head inside, then he glares at Blaine. “You’re too close to the stage area. Back up. You aren’t a spouse, either, so don’t get any ideas.” 

Blaine puffs up again, which is slightly alarming, but before he can actually say anything, Finn comes back out, Kurt behind him. Blaine deflates slightly, pasting on a huge smile and turning to Kurt. 

“Kurt! I wanted to be here for you, and Burt too, of course.”

“That’s so sweet,” Kurt coos at Blaine. 

“Because what every congressional announcement needs is ugly plaid shirts and bowties?” Puck mutters to Finn. 

“Be nice,” Finn says quietly. “If Kurt looks upset on camera, it’ll undo all your work!”

“At least _he_ isn’t wearing a bowtie,” Puck grumbles, his voice still low, and then he raises it slightly. “Kurt, you and Carole and Finn are going to stand over here.” He points over towards stage right. “As soon as we get the car here, we’ll run through it once.” 

“But you told me to stand over here!” Blaine protests. “It’s the opposite side.” 

“You aren’t on stage,” Puck says, trying to sound patient. “You’ll be off-stage. Rachel will stand with you.” He turns back to Finn. “Do I sound at least a little patient?” he whispers. 

“Dude, you’re the Josh,” Finn says.

“So?” Puck raises one eyebrow. 

“Josh never sounds patient.”

“Oh. Damn. That’s true.” Puck shrugs. “Oh well. You talk to Blaine, then,” he says, smirking at Finn. “I’ll walk Kurt through his part.” 

“Gee, thanks,” Finn says, making a face before he turns towards Blaine. 

“I’ll talk more about media buys later to make up for it!” Puck calls after him. “Kurt, come over here.” 

“Kurt, I really need to tell you my ideas for Burt’s—” Blaine starts to say. 

“Blaine, talk to Finn,” Puck cuts in. “I need Kurt for now.” He gestures for Kurt, wondering if he’s going to end up with one eyebrow perpetually raised. 

“Yes?” Kurt says, as he hands the typed statement to Puck. “Was there more to type?”

“Not today, and probably typing’s going to be something to delegate after the first few days.” Puck turns to draw out the stage area with his hand. “We’re going to put the car there, and when you and Finn talk, you’ll be right there in the middle in front of it. Then you’ll walk over here,” Puck says, pacing out the short walk, “where Carole will be, and the three of you stand here while your dad says his statement and takes a few questions. We might get a few posed pictures right after the questions. _You_ have any questions?” 

Kurt blinks a few times. “Is there anything else I’m supposed to do other than stand?”

“Smile. Maybe wave. At some point some reporter will probably want to do a piece on your whole family, so you’ll be interviewed for that, but that won’t happen tonight, I don’t think. Anything you want to do?” 

Kurt shakes his head. “No, I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t something specific.”

“Be careful what you say about the other candidates,” Puck says after a moment. “Especially Sylvester, since she provides plenty of fodder. Jewfro probably would love a ‘scoop’ like that.” 

“True,” Kurt says, with a visible and dramatic shudder. 

Puck looks over at Finn and Blaine, then winces as he turns back to Kurt. “Look, we’d love to see some movement on social issues, too, but this is Allen County. It’s going to be pretty hard to get Burt elected as a Democrat anyway, but once he’s there, he can cast the important votes. We do care, we just have to his message focused really tight.”

“I’m very aware of where we live,” Kurt says, with a thin smile. “I’m not going to push Dad on anything.”

“Maybe _you_ can get through to Blaine, then,” Puck mutters. 

“Blaine wouldn’t interfere with Dad’s campaign,” Kurt says. 

Puck raises an eyebrow, mentally giving up on the eyebrow ever sitting in the normal place again. “I’m glad you’re sure of it, ‘cause I’m not,” he admits. 

“It will be fine,” Kurt insists. “You can worry about my dad’s campaign, and I’ll worry about myself and Blaine.”

“Yeah,” Puck says slowly. “That’s what I worried about. Your dad’s campaign. Interesting wording.” He turns as Rachel drives into the parking lot, motioning for her to pull forward into the spot they cleared. “But if I’m concerned about interference from the outside, that’s legitimate, see?” 

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Kurt says. “Unless it’s Rachel or someone else.”

“Yeah, the two of them together’ll be something,” Puck says under his breath. “Anyway, do you know what you’re going to say when you introduce Burt?” 

“You don’t have a statement prepared for me, too?” Kurt asks with a small smile. 

“Hey, I’m not going to make more work for myself, when I’m pretty sure you can do it yourself,” Puck says with a laugh. “Besides, let’s be realistic. You’ve got a better sense of how to play up things or play down things than your dad does. Politics and theatre aren’t too different, not during the campaigning.” 

Puck still makes Kurt run through it—twice—and as a few news trucks pull in, Puck notices another car that, he thinks, probably has the person from the state party. She doesn’t try to introduce herself, though, so Puck leaves that for later, too. 

“Cameras are here!” Finn says as he come bounding towards Puck. “Places, everybody!”

“This is fucking crazy,” Puck says to him with a grin. “You ready for this?”

“Dude, I’ve been ready for this since the fourth episode,” Finn says, returning the grin.

Puck laughs. “As long as none of us sleep with a call girl. Or call boy. Call person.”

“She did have a really nice place, though,” Finn points out.

“Hopefully we can survive in D.C. without resorting to becoming rentboys, dude.” Puck gives Finn a once-over. “Your coveralls are clean. And you’d probably make a killing as a rentboy.” 

“Yeah? You think so?” Finn’s grin widens. “Probably shouldn’t mention that on camera, though, right?”

“Exactly.” Puck smirks and repeats the once-over, just for fun, and then waves at Carole, pointing where she’s supposed to stand. “Guess I’ll go stand off stage. Go get ‘em, CJ.” 

Finn keeps grinning as he heads to the middle of the stage area, and Puck stands off to the side, watching the whole thing unfold. Kurt and Finn’s parts go great, and Burt seems a little wooden but the effect is, like Finn said, folksy and charming, since he’s in front of his tire shop. While the press is asking a few questions, none of them particularly hard-hitting, the woman from the state party approaches Puck, a questioning look on her face. 

Once they establish who Puck is, and who she is, she gives Puck a flash drive and a folder of paperwork, about state party-provided websites, online donation processing, and some recommendations for a finance director. The whole exchange only takes a few minutes, just as Finn is putting an end to the questions, and everyone is smiling as the press packs up. 

“So,” Kurt says, walking up to Puck and Finn. “What’s next?”

 

On Friday night, Puck heads over to the Hudson-Hummel residence after dinner, his brain pretty well split into thinking about three things: Burt’s campaign, Kurt’s underdog campaign, and, because Puck’s still an eighteen year old guy, how long it’s been since he went on a date or got laid. 

When Puck pulls up, he sees Rachel’s car, but he figures she’ll probably be leaving relatively soon. He grabs his backpack and heads in, thumbing through the last emails he got about Burt’s campaign. Puck opens the door without knocking, pausing in the entryway to kick off his shoes. 

“Yo!” he yells after a minute or so passes. 

“Hey!” Finn shouts back.

“Both of you stop shouting,” Carole says loudly. “Noah, come into the dining room if you want to speak to Finn.”

“Just finding him, Mrs. H!” Puck calls, heading towards the dining room, where Finn, Rachel, and Kurt are all sitting. “Hey,” he says at a normal volume, sitting down in the empty chair on Finn’s left. 

“Hey,” Finn replies. “You eat yet?” 

“All Shabbat’d up, yep,” Puck says with a little snort. “You see that last email, about the donations?” 

“But it’s the potatoes,” Finn sing-songs, holding the serving bowl full of roasted potatoes in front of Puck. “We can’t talk about politics without potatoes.”

“Fine,” Puck concedes, taking the bowl. “What do you want? Clearly you’re bribing me.” 

“I want you to eat some of these delicious potatoes, which don’t have any bacon fat at all in them,” Finn says, shaking the bowl. 

Puck laughs. “Oh, an IOU then, huh?” He leans over and steals a fork from in front of Rachel, whose lips pursed as soon as Finn said ‘bacon fat’. “I’ll think I’m home free, and you’ll remind me when I least expect it.” He sticks the fork into the bowl, spearing a few of the potatoes and then chewing them slowly. “Probably gonna be worth it, though.” 

“Could be worse. Could be a big block of cheese,” Finn says, grinning widely.

“Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House…” Puck says, laughing. “Burt should have a big block of cheese day.” 

“Kurt, do you know what on earth they are talking about?” Rachel says, looking between Puck and Finn and frowning. 

“Ah, _West Wing_ ,” Kurt says, nodding his head sagely. 

“I don’t understand why that show is so… important!” Rachel blurts out. “And why I never heard about it before! It’s like you had a whole hidden _life_ , Finn.”

“Yeah, we have extra social security cards and everything,” Puck says blandly. 

“You could watch it,” Finn suggests to Rachel. “It’s on Netflix. Then you’d understand!”

“Maybe I will,” Rachel says, though Puck thinks that’s probably not going to happen, judging by Rachel’s tone and the look on her face. “I should be getting home anyway, Finn. I’ll leave you boys to your campaign talk, I suppose.” 

“Want me to walk you out to your car?” Finn offers, standing up and pulling Rachel’s chair back for her.

“No, no, that won’t be necessary,” Rachel insists as she stands, and Puck wonders if she’s still a little bit in a snit. She stands on her tip-toes and kisses Finn, then leaves with a wave at Kurt and Puck. 

“Bye,” Puck says, instead of returning the wave, and he waits for Finn to sit down before he continues. “So a decent number of donations, a financial director, and some campaign events, we’re doing pretty damn good, I think.” 

“Yeah? That’s awesome!” Finn says.

“How many constitutes a ‘decent number’?” Kurt asks.

“Both the number of individual donors and the total amount raised are higher than expected by…” Puck trails off and looks at the email on his phone again. “Twelve percent. Higher than the best case numbers the party worked up before the announcement, I mean.” 

“Sweet!” Finn says. Kurt just nods, looking impressed.

“Tomorrow and Sunday’s calendars are full, too, which is good.” Puck looks over at Finn. “We want to both go to every event, or split the early and late ones?” 

“How much time you got? I’m cool to hit all of them, but if you’ve got other stuff going on,” Finn says, shrugging. 

“You know my busy weekend schedule after the pools close,” Puck says wryly. “At least _you_ ’ve got someone to make out with on occasion. I can hit all of ‘em.” 

“It’s probably best that I _don’t_ appear at every event,” Kurt says. “I can think of at least two where my presence would be more of a hindrance than a help.”

Puck rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you shouldn’t go to every event, but that’s not why. You’ve got your own campaign to worry about, too. Speaking of which, you never did get back to us.” 

“I thought it over, and, well, talked it over with Blaine. He wasn’t particularly happy about the expectations that he can’t help with the campaign, but he agreed that because this was important to me, he would support my choice for campaign adviser,” Kurt says. 

“Oh, _that_ must be why he was glaring at me today. I mean, the glares are nothing new, but it was more than usual,” Puck says. “He glare at you too, Finn?” 

“Didn’t notice,” Finn says. “Mostly I just see the top of his head, anyway.”

“Good for checking your reflection,” Puck says thoughtfully, then looks back at Kurt. “Right. We all know that high school elections are as close to rigged as they can be without the Mafia involved, so what do you want to focus on?” 

“I need an issue, right?” Kurt asks. 

“One or two, yeah, depending on the focus of the first one,” Puck says. “If one of them is too narrow, only affects a quarter of the students or so, then you’d need two.” 

“I refuse to stoop to vending machines and school lunches,” Kurt says.

“Okay, then, what’s the issue that would make _you_ vote for yourself?” Puck asks. “Finn, any thoughts?”

Finn frowns for a moment while he thinks. “Well, what’s been the biggest problem you ever had at McKinley? The bullying, right?” Kurt nods. “And you’re not the only one.”

“And what about the bullies?” Kurt asks. “They aren’t going to like that platform very much.”

“They’re all going to vote for Rick the Stick anyway,” Puck points out. “It’s like with your dad’s campaign. There’s a good forty percent of the voters who aren’t going to vote for any Democrat. We’re just trying to convince the other sixty percent. You aren’t going to get the bullies’ vote regardless. You just need everyone else’s.” 

“And Rachel?” Kurt asks, glancing over at Finn.

“She knows we’re working for you,” Finn says, shrugging. “And she doesn’t even _have_ a platform.”

“Dudes before Jews,” Puck adds. 

“Probably not the campaign slogan I’ll be going with,” Kurt says.

“Well, it’d only alienate about four people,” Puck says, grinning a little, “but that’s probably a good plan. What do you think about the bullying issue as your focus?” 

“I think it’s a good idea. Thank you, Finn.”

“It was nothing,” Finn says. “I need the practice, anyway.”

“Hopefully it will work, and you can use it on your resume,” Kurt says.

“Oh, we’ll use it whether it works or not,” Puck admits. “What episode are you on?” 

“Season five, episode eleven,” Kurt says.

“Awesome. You can watch, and Finn and I can half-watch and half make plans,” Puck says with a grin. “Which one is that, Finn? Is that Slow News Day?”

“Maybe. Might be one off,” Finn replies. 

“Always the slow days,” Puck says, shaking his head and standing up. “We should look over tomorrow’s schedule, anyway.”


	3. The Donnas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some discrepancies are discovered.

Puck wanders into school on Monday morning, yawning and understanding why he and Finn had spent freshman year teaching themselves to drink coffee. The twenty ounce from Speedway is helping, at least, but they did spend most of the past forty-eight hours either at campaign events or on their way to the next one on the schedule. Puck stops for half a minute at his own locker, then heads towards Finn’s, second coffee in hand. 

“Twenty ounces, just the right amount of sugar,” Puck announces from behind Finn. 

“You’re the best!” Finn says, holding his hand up for the cup without turning around. 

“It probably isn’t enough,” Puck admits as he hands off the coffee. “Did you tell Kurt to find us before homeroom? I have this feeling he’ll be harder to please than Burt.” 

“Anybody who spends an hour and a half on his hair is gonna be harder to please than Burt,” Finn agrees. “But yeah. He’ll meet us.”

“Cool.” Puck yawns and tries to cover it. “At least Burt’s is going pretty good,” he adds, starting to head towards the choir room. 

“Yeah, bet he’s glad he decided to hire the two unqualified high schoolers, right?” 

“Hey, we’re in high school, but we’re not unqualified,” Puck says. “And Burt should be, that financial director dude keeps sounding awed in his emails.” 

“You’re qualified,” Finn says. “I’m just your assistant.”

“Oh, did you want to be my Donna?” Puck says, grinning at Finn. “I did bring _you_ coffee.” 

“Kurt seems to think I am,” Finn says, smiling back.

“Kurt seems to think you’re what?” Kurt asks, catching up with them just before they get to the choir room. “Woefully bad at matching patterns?”

“You said stripes and checks were okay!”

“No, Finn, I said stripes and checks were _never_ okay,” Kurt clarifies, before addressing Puck. “I hope he does a better job paying attention to the polling data than to my fashion advice.”

“No offense, Kurt, but I’m pretty sure he finds the polling data a _lot_ more interesting,” Puck points out, still grinning. “And he was just pointing you that you’re convinced he’s my Donna.” 

“Isn’t he?” Kurt asks, a little too innocently.

“He does have alabaster skin,” Puck agrees, heading for the piano once they’re in the choir room. 

“Compared to you, everybody has alabaster skin,” Finn says.

“Finn is too freckly to be alabaster,” Kurt says. “Now, _I_ might be described as having alabaster skin.”

“Yeah?” Puck lets his grin slide into a smirk, almost leering at Kurt, and he looks him slowly up and down. “I could always have two Donnas.” 

“Hey!” Finn protests. 

Puck turns towards Finn, still almost leering, and he drops his volume to a whisper. “Don’t worry, I’ll still take you on vacation,” he says. Finn blushes and looks down almost bashfully. Kurt narrows his eyes and stares at Finn for a few beats before shaking his head. Puck pulls out a few pieces of paper from his backpack and hands them to Kurt so he can look them over. 

“Okay, this all looks very good,” Kurt says, as he looks through the papers. “I think you were right about the central message of my campaign.”

“We thought it was good that your message and Burt’s message wouldn’t really crossover at all, either,” Puck adds. “High school elections aren’t really partisan in the same way.” 

“Do you like the poster sketches?” Finn asks, leaning over to point at that piece of paper. “I did those. That was me.”

“Kurt! There you are!” Blaine suddenly comes into the room, and Puck fights the urge to roll his eyes or sigh heavily, instead nudging Finn’s side. “Oh, a campaign strategy meeting? I can be your test audience!” 

“Here are some slogans, and these are the poster sketches Finn did. Aren’t they nice?” Kurt says, showing the various documents to Blaine. 

“Oh, wow,” Blaine says, sounding too surprised. “Finn, I had no idea that you had any talent in this area.” He looks up from the papers and at Kurt. “You are going to emphasize the abhorrence of bullying against gay students, right?” 

Puck narrows his eyes at Blaine, then looks at Kurt to see how he responds. Kurt presses his lips together into the non-smile smile that’s really a frown. He shakes his head and plucks the papers out of Blaine’s hand. 

“No, I didn’t feel it was necessary to differentiate between victims of bullying,” Kurt says. 

“But Kurt, as gay students, we—” 

“Look,” Puck interrupts. “Identity politics is a great thing sometimes, but that’d be like telling me to run on a platform of everyone getting a day off for Yom Kippur. We get it, you get good grades and you keep up with some issues, but that’s not going to help Kurt get elected.” Puck stops and examines Blaine closely. “You have to know that focusing on gay students—and yes, we noticed you said ‘gay’ and not ‘LGBT’—won’t help Kurt get elected.” Puck leans against the piano and pulls the papers out of Blaine’s line of sight. “Are you trying to get Rachel elected?” 

“ _I’d_ like a day off for Yom Kippur,” Finn mutters.

“Of course not!” Blaine blusters, but Puck isn’t completely convinced, and he shakes his head. Blaine notices and puffs up a little. “You can’t understand, Puck, what it would mean to have a candidate speaking out about gay rights.” 

“Can we put the Yom Kippur thing into Kurt’s campaign?” Finn asks, ignoring Blaine completely. 

“Maybe Rosh Hashanah,” Puck says with a smirk. “What do _you_ think, Kurt? Since you are the candidate.” 

“I—I agree with Puck,” Kurt stammers. 

“That’s a first,” Puck mutters to Finn, trying not to grin. Finn doesn’t seem to have the same concern, because he does grin widely.

“He looks like it actually hurts him to admit it,” Finn says. “But of course he agrees with Puck,” he continues, addressing Blaine. “Puck knows what he’s doing.”

Blaine looks disturbingly like he’s about to throw a temper tantrum, and he turns towards Kurt, trying to shut Finn and Puck out of the conversation. “I’ll see you at the Lima Bean this afternoon after school?” he says. 

“Oh, yes. Yes, of course,” Kurt says absently. He offers Blaine his cheek, and Blaine kisses it, which looks weirdly like a grandpa kissing someone, in Puck’s opinion. 

He clears his throat once Blaine pulls away. “Actually, you have the campaign thing,” he says, purposely being vague. 

“Do I? Oh, that’s right!” Kurt says. “I’m so sorry, Blaine. Tomorrow?”

Blaine looks put out, but nods. “Of course. Tomorrow.” Puck raises an eyebrow until Blaine turns and leaves the room. 

“Yeah, that’s ‘uninvolved’,” Puck says, rolling his eyes. “What exactly did you tell him?”

“I told him you and Finn would prefer to run the campaign without any additional outside input,” Kurt says. “He agreed with me at the time.”

“So now he apparently thinks he’s not ‘outside’,” Puck says with a sigh. “I’m not convinced about him not wanting Rachel to win, either.” 

“That was my mistake,” Kurt says. “I’ll remedy that, explain things more clearly.”

Puck nods and turns to Finn. “What do you think, about him and Rachel?”

“Should I do some recon?” Finn asks.

Kurt frowns. “Recon?”

“That’s short for ‘reconnaissance’,” Finn explains.

“No, I understand what it means, Finn,” Kurt says. “I just don’t understand why.”

“He could be a Cliff Calley in our midst,” Puck says soberly. “Though now we’re back to that making _you_ Donna.” 

“I’m not Donna!” Kurt insists.

“I guess he could be Donna,” Finn says.

“And Blaine isn’t Cliff Calley,” Kurt continues. “He’s just trying to help.”

“You could both be Donna, and we’re just going to make sure.” Puck nods at Finn. “Ask Brittany, she’ll have been keeping an eye on Kurt and Rachel, I bet. And she might tell you, as long as Santana’s not around.” 

“I’ll bring a Snickers for the cat,” Finn says, as he nods his agreement.

Puck grins. “Yeah, good idea. Okay. See you after school, Kurt.” He looks at Finn. “Should we try to sneak some more coffee from the teachers’ lounge?”

“I think we should. We’re professionals now,” Finn says.

“Exactly.” Puck shoulders his backpack and slings his free arm over Finn’s shoulders, dropping the volume of his voice. “And we can discuss how Blaine _is_ Cliff Calley.”

 

“I think you’re right,” Finn declares, dropping into the seat next to Puck in the tire shop’s front office.

“Of course I’m right,” Puck says, not looking up from what he’s writing. “What am I right about right now?”

“Blaine. He’s _totally_ Cliff Calley,” Finn says. “And I think he might actually want Rachel to win.”

Puck stops writing and looks up, grabbing his pop and taking a drink before waving his hand at Finn. “Yeah? What did you find out?” 

“Rachel told me that Blaine told _her_ that he didn’t want this campaign thing to come between his friendship with her, and then Brittany saw him writing some kind of letter thing, and Rachel’s name was all up in it, like it was a letter _about_ her,” Finn says. “A _nice_ letter.”

“Kurt’s not going to believe us,” Puck says slowly, thinking about what Blaine had seen the day before. “But maybe he would know why the letter.” 

“Yeah maybe so, but would he even tell us if we asked?” Finn asks. “I’m going to ask Rachel about it, too. I know, I could call her right now and ask her!”

“Yes. Call her now,” Puck agrees, nodding rapidly. “We need to know.” 

“Okay,” Finn says, pressing a few buttons on his phone, then switching it to speaker, so Puck can hear the ringing and Rachel’s voice when she answers.

“Hello?” Rachel says. “Finn?” 

“Hi, Rachel,” Finn says loudly.

“Finn, are you on speaker?” Rachel asks, and Puck can practically picture her face as she asks. 

“What? Noooo,” Finn says, widening his eyes and shaking his head at Puck. “I’m at the shop. You know how it echoes.”

“Oh, that’s right, you had campaign work today! How is Burt’s campaign going? My dads are very excited.” 

“Yeah, it’s going great, he’s doing so great,” Finn says. “So listen, I had a quick, totally random question for you.”

“Sure! What is it, Finn?” Rachel asks. 

“So, Blaine mentioned some letters he was writing, like maybe about you, or for you?” 

“Oh, yes! My peer recommendation for NYADA. Wasn’t it nice of him to offer?” 

“Yeah, is that something I should be doing, too? You know, since I’m your boyfriend and all that? Boyfriends are supposed to write those kind of letters, right?” Finn asks, suddenly glaring at the phone.

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about it, Finn. Blaine is so much more comfortable using technical jargon that the review committee will understand and connect with.” 

“I can use jargon. I know a lot of jargon!”

“Oh, Finn.” Rachel laughs. “Like I said, there’s no need for you to worry about it. Blaine has my peer recommendation completely under control.”

Puck frowns and flips to a new page in his notebook, writing ‘Kurt?’ in big letters and holding it up for Finn to read. Finn nods. 

“Did Blaine mention when he’d have Kurt’s done?” Finn asks casually. 

“Oh, Blaine can’t write for both of us, of course,” Rachel says. “I mean, we hope Kurt and I can both be admitted, but having the same peer recommender would definitely be a strike against us!” 

“Oh, yeah, right, duh,” Finn says. “Of course. I’m sure he didn’t want Blaine to do it, ‘cause of the boyfriend thing.”

“I’m sure that’s why,” Rachel agrees. “Ooh, it’s time for my afternoon vocal exercises, Finn. I’ll talk to you later!” 

“Yeah, okay, bye,” Finn says, though the call obviously disconnects before he’s done saying it. Finn scowls at the phone for a little while before pocketing it and saying, “I think Blaine is aiding the competition.”

“Yeah, there’s no way she’d sound so happy about Blaine otherwise,” Puck agrees. “How do we tell Kurt?” 

“Tell me what?” Kurt asks, walking into the office. 

“Uhhhh,” Finn says. He looks like he did the day when they were ten and they ate all the cookies in one afternoon. 

“We have some information that may impact your campaign.” Puck frowns. “And your college application, actually.” 

“Oh?” Kurt asks, looking between Puck and Finn. “What’s going on?”

“Blaine,” Finn says, like that’s explanation enough.

“Did you know that Blaine is writing a peer recommendation for Rachel’s NYADA application?” Puck asks. 

Kurt blinks. “I don’t understand.”

“Who’s doing yours, by the way?” Puck asks. “But yeah, he’s doing her peer recommendation, and that’s… not really all of it.” 

“I thought those were optional. I didn’t want to put Blaine on the spot to— _really_? He’s really writing her a recommendation?”

“That’s what she says, yeah,” Puck says, trying to be moderately gentle about it. “And Finn said Brittany saw it.” He nods at Finn. 

“We can write letters for you,” Finn says quickly. “Me and Puck. We’ll both write whatever letters you need.”

“With technical jargon, even,” Puck says blandly. 

“I’m—surely somebody misunderstood something along the way,” Kurt says. “Why would Blaine be writing a letter for Rachel?”

Puck shrugs. “You could call him and ask.” He smirks. “It’s not speakerphone, just the echo at the shop.” 

“I think I’ll do that,” Kurt says, his tone a little sharp. He whips out his phone and angrily punches at the screen, setting the ringing phone down on Burt’s desk.

“Kurt,” Blaine says somewhat breathlessly. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you!” 

“I heard something very interesting today,” Kurt beings, “only you know that I don’t like to take rumor as truth.”

“I only went to Dalton to invite the Warblers to come to see _West Side Story_!” Blaine blurts out. 

“ _Excuse me_?” Kurt asks. “You went to Dalton?”

“They have a new lead singer, Kurt, and I need to talk to—we all need to be prepared for competition.” 

“Oh. Is he any good?” Kurt asks. Puck rolls his eyes and flips to a clean page, writing ‘FOCUS’ on it and showing it to Kurt. 

“He isn’t cute,” Blaine replies. 

“I didn’t say ‘cute’, I said ‘good’,” Kurt says. “But anyway, no, I didn’t mean about that. I heard the funniest little rumor that you were writing a peer recommendation letter for Rachel Berry for NYADA, but you wouldn’t do that, right? Not when Rachel and I are most likely competing for a slot.”

“Now, Kurt, I’m sure you understand, I was so honored that Rachel even asked!” Blaine says. “After all, I’m only a junior. I didn’t want to say no to her when she clearly needed my assistance.” 

"And of course, you already knew I would appreciate you doing the same for me," Kurt prompts.

“Rachel said the peer recommendation was optional,” Blaine whines. “I was sure you were going to skip that part.” 

"But now that you know I'm not?"

“Kurt, you really can’t ask me to write a letter for both of you.” Blaine sounds like he’s trying to make himself out to be the rational and calm one. “I know! Why don’t you ask Rachel herself to write yours?” 

"Because if she asked you to write hers, not me, it means she also realizes we may be competing for the same spot," Kurt replies, his voice becoming more shrill. "Which is why I'm a little surprised you never mentioned this to me!"

“Kurt,” Blaine says with a sigh, though Puck guesses it’s sort of affectionate. “You haven’t really wanted to discuss Rachel for a few weeks. And if—well, I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

"Because she's my competition," Kurt says. "Because I thought she and I had some kind of agreement between us, but then she turned around and decided to run against me for class president!"

Finn makes a rolling gesture with his hands that probably means 'wrap it up', but Kurt waves at him dismissively, and since Blaine doesn't even know Puck and Finn are in the room, it doesn't stop Blaine from saying, “Kurt, you know how much I care about you, but Rachel has a right to put together her best possible application!” 

"But she doesn't have a right to my boyfriend siding with her over me!" Kurt snaps.

“I’m not siding with her over you, Kurt,” Blaine says, sounding increasingly distressed. “That’s incredibly hurtful. I’m siding with—with _McKinley_ , and I just want the school to put forward the strongest candidate!” 

"And you think that's Rachel," Kurt says. "I need to go. I have to talk to my campaign staff about our strategy."

“Kurt, I didn’t—I just—” 

Kurt ends the call before they can hear what Blaine didn't or Blaine just. He lets out a little yelp of frustration, shoving the phone into his satchel.

"I can't believe him!" Kurt says. "It's like junior year all over again! He should have just kept kissing her, if he likes her so much!"

"Hey!" Finn protests, but it sounds halfhearted at best.

"Sorry, Finn," Kurt says. "It's just so infuriating! She already has the musical and all the solos. Why can't I have this?"

“Can’t fix him, but we can fix the vote,” Puck quips. “No, seriously, we’re going to make sure that you do have the presidency. She may have a peer recommendation about hair gel, okay, but she doesn’t have any issues and she doesn’t have any social credentials with anyone.” Puck looks apologetically at Finn. “She’s not exactly real popular.” 

"But neither am I," Kurt counters. "And if Rick gets the jock vote, and Brittany gets the eye-candy vote, all that's left is me and Rachel squabbling over scraps."

“Rick gets the hockey vote, sure, and some bullies, but that’s not all the jocks,” Puck points out. “Key is going to be making people focus on the issues presented. If there’s issues, Rachel’s not even in the race. Her platform is ‘I want to get into NYADA at any cost’.” 

"We can get you the football vote," Finn says. "Football and hockey haven't ever been real close."

"I appreciate that, Finn," Kurt says. "I really do, but that doesn't do anything to overcome the fact that Brittany is popular."

“More debates,” Puck suggests. “Take it to Figgins. The more debating that goes on, the more you expose Brittany’s lack of platform as well. Ask for a bunch, and we’ll hope to get half as many.” 

"I think the student body cares more about her lack of underwear," Kurt laments.

Finn shrugs. "Nah. We've all seen it. It's not that great."

Puck snorts. “There’s that. We’ll refocus the race and frame the debate. That’s really the easy part,” he says. “We do have an assignment for you.” 

“Okay,” Kurt says, looking wary. “What’s the assignment?”

“Pick a time to think about all that shit, so you’re not thinking about Blaine and Rachel and NYADA when you’re doing campaign stuff,” Puck says firmly. “There’s personal time and there’s professional time.” 

“Okay. Do you have any suggestions?” Kurt asks.

“For me, the shower’s for jerking off, and before bed is for policy,” Puck says. 

“Aw, see, I like to think about policy in the shower,” Finn says. “Before bed is a better time for jerking off, ‘cause then I’ll sleep better.”

“Oh my god, you two!” Kurt says, his face turning red. “I don’t need to know any of that!”

“You asked for suggestions,” Puck points out, puzzled. “Oh, are you a morning person?”

“I didn’t need to know about your masturbation habits!”

“I bet you already knew Finn’s, anyway, living in the same house,” Puck says. 

“No! No, I don’t!” Kurt insists.

“I’m pretty quiet,” Finn says. “It’s just the polite thing to do.”

“Oh my god!” Kurt says again. “Stop. Just stop.”

“Okay, well, whatever you do instead of jerking off, keep it separate from campaigning,” Puck says with a shrug. “Whether it’s solo or with company.” Puck doesn’t add that Kurt’s probably getting more action than either him or Finn, because it’s kind of depressing to admit how long it’s been since Puck got laid. 

“Yes, fine, I will. Now let’s never, ever talk about this again, please?” Kurt says.

“I’d just like to point out, _I_ didn’t bring it up in the first place,” Finn says. 

Puck nods. “That’s true, Kurt was the one who asked for suggestions.” 

“Not about—oh, what’s the line? What’s next? I’m saying ‘what’s next’ now!” Kurt says. 

Puck grins, managing not to laugh. “Posters, and where to hang them.” 

“Hey, we were already talking about how things hang,” Finn says. “Kurt’s the one who had a problem with it.”

“Oh my god,” Kurt mutters. “Yes, posters. We should hang them...”

“In the restrooms,” Finn says. “We can get somebody, Tina maybe, to put them up in the girls’ bathrooms.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Puck agrees. “And fliers on everyone’s windshields.” 

“You have a thought about color scheme?” Finn asks Kurt.

“I was thinking something striking, like blue and silver,” Kurt suggests.

Puck raises an eyebrow. “Did you want to hand out latkes, too?” 

“What? No,” Kurt says. 

“Blue and silver. Hanukkah,” Puck explains. 

“Oh. Fine, green and silver,” Kurt suggests.

“Slytherin from _Harry Potter_ ,” Finn says. “They’ll think you’re the evil candidate.”

“Everybody wants to rule the world,” Puck quips. 

“One of you decide, then,” Kurt huffs, “since apparently all of my suggestions recall childhood memories.”

“Black and silver?” Puck says to Finn. “Give him a Raiders vibe.” 

“Pirates are awesome,” Finn offers.

“Pretty easy to print, too.” Puck nods a little. “Just no eyepatches. Okay. I think that’s it for your campaign for today, then.” 

“Good,” Kurt says, gathering up his satchel.

Puck nods at Kurt as he starts to leave. “But don’t forget about the dinner tomorrow night for your dad.”

“I won’t. Thank you for your help,” Kurt says. He walks out of the office without a backwards glance. 

Puck waits until he’s sure Kurt is out of earshot. “So did you notice the discrepancy?” 

“Yeah, I had no idea you were a shower-jerker,” Finn says, nodding his head.

“Not that, dude,” Puck says with a laugh. “The _other_ discrepancy.” 

“Rachel and Blaine’s stories, you mean?” Finn asks. “Oh yeah. Somebody’s a lying liar from Liar Town.”

“Your girlfriend’s annoying sometimes, but she isn’t really a liar,” Puck says slowly. “I don’t know if Blaine is or not.” 

“Sometimes she’s a truth-stretcher,” Finn says. “But I think it’s probably Blaine lying this time. Rachel doesn’t really have a reason to lie about this.”

“I guess we can’t really tell Kurt he shouldn’t talk to Blaine at all until after the election,” Puck says. “Not that he sounded all that happy with Blaine just now.” He frowns. “I guess the new lead singer for the Warblers is cute.” 

“Yeah, wonder if Kurt realizes that’s gonna be a thing?” Finn asks.

Puck smirks at Finn. “I’ll let _you_ ask that one.” 

“Maybe it’s like the jerking off thing, and we aren’t supposed to talk about it?”

Puck laughs. “Who knew Kurt didn’t want to talk about jerking off?”

 

Puck slouches in the back row of the choir room, using the light from the windows to see what he’s writing. He’s supposed to be in whatever stupid history elective he’s signed up for, but the parts that he doesn’t already know are the things he can find in ten minutes on Wikipedia, so it makes a lot more sense to Puck to spend the period working on something real. 

He hears Rachel before he sees anyone, her voice carrying down the hall and into the choir room. “I just said that I don’t understand why you couldn’t _tell_ me!” 

“I didn’t think it was something I had to tell people!” Finn counters. “It’s not like I’ve got a communionable disease!”

“Communicable disease, Finn,” Rachel corrects in a snippy tone. “You have an entire _career plan_ and I didn’t think you were aware of who Joe Biden is.” 

“But we don’t ever talk about politics! It just never came up!”

“I’ve told you all about what I want to do in college and beyond,” Rachel says, and as she appears in the doorway, she tosses her head. “You didn’t think to tell me about your plans then?” 

“‘Cause you don’t even pause for breathing,” Finn says.

“I have excellent breath control. And what about when I’ve asked?” 

“Uh, you _didn’t_ ask.”

“How do you think I feel, Finn?” Rachel continues as if Finn hadn’t spoken. “Finding out that you have all of this political expertise, and you’re using it to help my competition!” 

“He’s my _brother_ ,” Finn says. “I’m helping my brother. It’s not like I’m helping Rick the Stick or some random person.”

“You should have offered to help _me_ ,” Rachel says. “ _I’m_ your girlfriend.” 

Puck wonders if either of them are going to notice him, and writes on his paper, ‘Yeah, high school girlfriend in a relationship with an expiration date’. 

“Kurt asked me first,” Finn says, even though technically it was more like Puck and Finn told Kurt they were going to run the campaign for him. 

“I didn’t ask because I didn’t know you had any political knowledge,” Rachel says in what’s probably supposed to be a placating tone. 

“I tried to get you to watch _West Wing_ ,” Finn says. “You didn’t like CJ’s suits.”

“Is that what that show from the ‘90s was that you tried to show me sophomore year?” Rachel asks, then shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. As soon as I announced I was running, you should have let me know that you and Puck could help me.” 

Puck wonders how, exactly, he got dragged into the conversation, and why exactly he’s supposed to pick Rachel over Kurt. It’s not like he’s got a high chance of getting laid by either one of them, and like he told Kurt, dudes before Jews. 

“Puck was the one who decided we were helping Kurt,” Finn says. “And since we’re a political team, I have to go where my Josh goes.”

“Josh? Who’s Josh? I don’t understand!” Rachel is scowling now, and Puck wonders how she can up the dramatics more without just doing a storm-out. 

“He’s the Deputy Chief of Staff,” Finn explains. “He’s Jewish. He’s from Connecticut.”

“I feel like you don’t value my place in your life, Finn! Shouldn’t I come first?” 

Finn shrugs, looking a little helpless. “Well...”

Puck clicks his pen loudly and stretches, which makes the chair squeak on the floor, and Rachel jumps, spinning to look at him. “Puck! Why are you snooping around in here?”

“I was just working,” Puck says with a shrug. “And I was here first.” 

“Hey, Puck,” Finn says with a little bro nod. He doesn’t seem surprised that Puck’s there, actually.

Rachel scowls at Puck and then Finn, before huffing and stomping out of the choir room in the dramatic storm-out Puck’s been expecting. 

“Wondered how long that was going to take,” Puck says a moment later. “So is she pissy that you didn’t tell her about the politics, or just pissy that you actually have a life outside of her?” 

“I don’t know. All of the above?”

Puck snorts. “Yeah, maybe so. You want to go steal some coffee before the bell rings?” 

“Sounds good to me. If you want to be the distraction this time, I might be able to get the whole pot into my thermos before anybody notices,” Finn says.

“I’m good at distraction,” Puck says with a smirk. “Except with Mrs. Rybak, who loves coffee more than anything else in the world.” 

They end up stealing coffee twice that day, and the next morning, Puck steals most of his mom’s pot of coffee in Finn’s thermos. When he gets to school, he texts Finn to meet him in the choir room if he wants any coffee, and the two of them sit down by the drums drinking coffee. Even though the lights are on, they must be pretty unremarkable, because Blaine comes barrelling into the room, talking on his phone. 

“Are you almost here? Just meet me in the choir room like I said!” He hangs up angrily, pacing around the room, and within about forty-five seconds, Kurt walks in, also not noticing Finn and Puck. 

“But I know that’s not what really happened!” Kurt says. “I know you’re the one who approached Rachel!”

“Kurt,” Blaine says in the voice that Puck really has to call simpering. “I can’t believe you’re being so unreasonable about this. You weren’t nearly so upset about Tony, even.” 

“Because I expected you’d end up trying out for Tony. I didn’t expect you’d go behind my back and help my competition get accepted to NYADA!”

“I want McKinley to be seen as a viable school for producing top-notch candidates for NYADA,” Blaine says. “You and I both know that places like NYADA look at the same high schools year after year.” 

“And what? I’m not a top-notch candidate?” Kurt demands. 

“You told me about your audition for _West Side Story_ ,” Blaine says, and Puck looks questioningly at Finn, who shrugs. “You can’t deny that your ability to get parts is going to be more limited.” He smiles ingratiatingly at Kurt. “Rachel is a much more traditional candidate, like I am.” 

“Oh, I see,” Kurt replies coldly. “It’s not about choosing your friend over your boyfriend. It’s about backing the right horse so you get the bigger payout!”

“I didn’t know Kurt knew anything about horse racing,” Finn whispers to Puck.

Puck shrugs, taking another sip of his coffee and wishing they had muffins or something. 

“Kurt, I have to look out for my future, I know you understand that,” Blaine says. “Things like this, they’ll be so unimportant in a few years.” Blaine has a disturbingly blissful look on his face, like he’s imagining something wonderful for himself. 

“Unimportant to _you_ , maybe, but my future is pretty damn important to _me_!” Kurt retorts.

“I know you’ll be with me to support me,” Blaine says, still looking disturbing in Puck’s opinion. “Isn’t that enough of the future to be certain of?”

Kurt stares at Blaine without speaking for at least thirty seconds, before he slowly blinks and tilts his head to the side. “No. It’s really not.”

Blaine looks as if Kurt hit his puppy or something, pouting at Kurt. “Kurt! We have to plan on what’s best for the two of us. We can’t put our individual desires ahead of that.” 

“You mean like you did by helping Rachel?” 

“Exactly.” Blaine looks relieved. “I knew you’d understand once you thought about it more.” 

“Oh, I think I understand it perfectly,” Kurt says. “Better than you’d like, in fact.” 

“What do you mean?” Now Blaine looks confused, in a constipated sort of way, and Puck nudges Finn with his elbow.

“I understand exactly who it is you think should be deciding what’s best for us,” Kurt says. 

Blaine starts to smile, which means that clearly he’s not as smart as he thinks he is. “See, it’s good we’re discussing it, because I knew you’d understand once you had a chance to calm down and see things rationally.” 

“Oh, I’m rational, Blaine Anderson. I’m the most rational I think I’ve _ever_ been in this relationship,” Kurt says, pointing his finger at Blaine accusingly. “And I am _rationally_ telling you that I am breaking up with you.”

“What?” Blaine leans back, his jaw dropping. “Kurt, come on. You don’t mean that.” 

“Blaine’s an idiot,” Puck whispers to Finn. 

“Yeah, he is,” Finn agrees. “But this is kind of epic.”

“I mean it,” Kurt insists. 

Blaine puffs up. “Well, when you come to your senses tomorrow or the next day, I will be the bigger person here and not hold it against you,” he says with a sniff, turning to do his own much less impressive version of a Rachel Berry storm-out. 

“It’d be a first for him to be the bigger person,” Puck whispers. 

“Well, he couldn’t be a smaller person than he already is,” Finn whispers back.

Puck starts to snicker as Blaine leaves the room, but he assumes Kurt’ll figure out they were there sooner or later, so he doesn’t try too hard to stay quiet. Kurt’s shoulders drop, and he sighs before he slowly turns around.

“Enjoy the show?” Kurt asks.

“Sorry,” Puck says with a little shrug. “We were just having coffee when he walked in here.” 

“Are you okay?” Finn asks.

Kurt shakes his head, then seems to change his mind and starts nodding instead. “I think so. I will be, anyway.”

“Coffee?” Puck offers, holding up the thermos. “It’s B.Y.O.M., though, so you’ll have to drink from the thermos.” 

“Thank you,” Kurt says, taking the thermos and drinking a big swallow of coffee. “This has been a terrible day already.”

“I’d say it gets better, but I’m not big into all cliches,” Puck says with a snort. “There’s no campaign things today, you could cut.” 

“Probably not the best decision for someone running for office,” Kurt notes wryly. 

“We have glee rehearsal this afternoon,” Puck points out. “I’m thinking Jackson 5 from him.” 

“No, ‘The One That Got Away’. Katy Perry,” Kurt says.

“Which is why he wouldn’t get anyone back,” Puck says with a wince. “Finn, you have a guess?”

“I don’t really know most of the songs from Pink,” Finn says. 

Kurt sighs. “It’s possible you will by the end of rehearsal.”

“I didn’t really _want_ to know, though,” Finn says.

“Maybe _I’ll_ cut,” Puck says. “Fuck knows we could use more time on Burt’s campaign more than we need another hour in Spanish class.” 

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Finn agrees. “I kind of don’t want to see Rachel right now, anyway. We’re still fighting.”

“More since yesterday? Or just that?” Puck frowns. “Why does everyone fight in here?” 

“No, there’s been more,” Finn says.

“We fight in here because it’s private,” Kurt says. 

Puck shrugs. “No one ever looks to see who else is in here, though.” He stands up and shoulders his backpack. “Well, _I’m_ cutting. Who’s coming with me?” He smirks at the end of the sentence, letting it hang there. 

“I’m in,” Finn says. “Kurt? I bet it’s okay to skip if you’re working on your dad’s campaign.”

“Fine, I’ll come, took, but we stop at the bakery for a cheesecake and two dozen chocolate cookies on the way home,” Kurt says. 

Puck nods. “And we’ll order some pizza at lunch.” 

“Nobody tell Rachel,” Finn says. “If she asks, I went home with a fever.”

Puck smirks again. “You got a fever of a hundred and three.” 

“I’m hot blooded,” Finn agrees.


	4. Polling Data

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diamonds, coffee, and ties.

Puck is pretty sure the week after Kurt and Blaine’s breakup is a good preview of political life, except for the part where they still have to marginally attend school and the rest of their commitments. It seems pretty accurate to what _West Wing_ shows, anyway, down to the coffee and late nights, but Burt’s campaign is on more solid footing than Puck would have imagined. 

Puck’s also pretty sure he’s been flirting with Finn all week, and even a little bit with Kurt, but neither of them quite seems to acknowledge it, and anyway, Finn and Rachel are still technically dating. Rachel walks around perpetually scowling, though, and they fight over just about everything. Whatever Finn does, Rachel seems pretty sure it’s somehow wrong. 

All of which still doesn’t exactly explain why Puck gets up earlier than necessary and swings by the Lima Bean for fancy coffee before heading to school, but he does, texting Kurt and Finn to meet him in the choir room once he’s inside himself. Finn arrives before Kurt, which is typical for their campaign meetings, sniffing the air as he walks in.

“I smell the good stuff,” Finn says, flinging himself into the seat next to Puck. “Tell me you brought me the good stuff.”

“I brought the pricey stuff,” Puck says with a grin. “And in the largest available size.”

As Puck hands Finn his cup of coffee, Finn says, “You are more precious to me than diamonds, dude.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can just slide me on a finger,” Puck says, still grinning. Finn’s face turns a little red and he starts to cough. “Coffee got bones in it?” he asks, but mentally he wonders if he should congratulate Finn on getting that one. 

“Yeah,” Finn manages to cough. “Bones.”

“Good morning, boys!” Kurt says, sounding too chipper about being there. 

“I come bearing expensive coffee,” Puck responds. “No one told me I would dislike the candidates for getting more sleep than me.” 

“If they had, you might not have agreed to run their campaigns,” Kurt points out. “And thank you very much for the coffee. Cream and sugar?”

Puck nods. “I’m a surprisingly fast learner.”

“You’re wonderful,” Kurt says.

“Yeah, but he’s _my_ diamonds,” Finn counters. 

“I am a ring, and Finn is going to like something, I suspect,” Puck jokes. 

Kurt smiles and nods. “Though Finn’s the least single person here, of course.”

“Meeting!” Finn blurts. “Campaign talk! Puck, begin!”

Puck gives Finn a sidelong look while he unzips his backpack, but he doesn’t say anything else about diamonds or coffee, just pulls out his notebook and flips through it. “Kurt, your debate is in two days, so we need to do some debate prep tonight and tomorrow afternoon. We can get in more if you come along on all of your dad’s events today and tomorrow.” 

“What exactly will the prep entail?” Kurt ask in between sips of his coffee. “Practice debate questions or...?”

Puck grins at Finn. “Some practice questions, and then you get to pretend to debate us. We need a couple of more people if we really want to get a good mock debate tomorrow.” He frowns a little. “Maybe Mike and Tina?” 

“Tina, yes. Mike, no,” Finn says. “He’s already got enough stuff going on. Maybe we can grab Artie.”

“Yeah, Artie’d be a good moderator,” Puck agrees. “I’ll find him later. Kurt, can you ask Tina?” 

“Yes, I’m sure she’ll be willing to help,” Kurt says. 

“You know...” Finn begins.

“Yeah?” Puck asks, then smirks. “You figure out what you like?” 

Finn’s face turns a little red again. “Ignoring that. Moving on. No, I was thinking we could actually practice debating with Brittany. I think it would give Kurt an edge and I really don’t think it’ll do anything much for Brittany.”

“I’d be willing to do that if you think it’s a good idea,” Kurt says.

“It’d give you more practice at not visibly showing how wacky something sounds,” Puck points out. “And yeah, she probably would be willing. Then we just need a fake Rachel and a fake Rick the Stick.” 

“Tina’s mentioned a few times wishing she had a little more time in the spotlight, right?” Finn says. 

“A little more implies there’s some to begin with,” Puck says with a snort, “but yeah, she’d probably make a pretty good Rachel. Probably harder to debate than actual Rachel.” 

“I can stand in for Rick, if you need me to,” Finn says. “I think I’ve got the jock thing down.”

“Don’t imitate the haircut,” Puck suggests. “And once Kurt’s used to the practice debates, he can stand in for Burt’s.” 

“Don’t imitate that haircut, either,” Finn says, bumping Kurt’s arm with his elbow.

“Oh, definitely not!” Kurt agrees. 

“If we can convince Kurt, we can set up a bang-up consulting group,” Puck says with a grin. “Kurt can handle the image part of it and some of the writing.” 

“He’ll need the right school, though,” Finn says. “I mean, performing arts ain’t going to cut it.”

“Well, yeah, NYADA wouldn’t, but maybe one of his others, he could double major.” Puck grins at Kurt, raising an eyebrow. “Where else are you applying?” 

“I don’t really have another school,” Kurt says. “If I don’t get into NYADA, I guess my plan is just to move to New York and audition.”

Finn’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open almost comically. “Tell me you’re just kidding.”

“No,” Kurt says. 

“Uh, isn’t the acceptance rate something like ten percent?” Puck asks, pulling out his phone and going to the Google app. “Okay, you know, I’m sitting here and I can tell you—yeah, American… hang on.” He types again. “Theatre at George Washington.” He looks up at Kurt, his eyes probably a little wide. “You seriously weren’t going to apply anywhere else?” 

“Rachel seemed to think that applying anywhere else would be a statement that we didn’t believe in our ability to get into NYADA,” Kurt says, furrowing his brow and looking to the side as he talks. “It does sound painfully naive at best, doesn’t it?”

“No, it sounds painfully dumb,” Finn says. “Come to D.C. with us. You can be theatre famous there, instead, or just be a part of our consulting group!”

“I mean, American’s not backup material for us,” Puck admits. “But it probably would be for you.” 

“I’ll look it up when I get home,” Kurt says.

“Yeah, you should,” Finn says.

“I will. You’re both right. I need other options,” Kurt says.

Puck smirks and drags his eyes up and down Kurt’s body. “You might even decide you’d _rather_ not limit your options. That’s true revenge, right there—take Rachel’s spot and then go elsewhere.” 

Kurt’s grin looks downright evil. “That does sound appealing,” he says.

“I don’t need to hear this,” Finn says, pretending to put his hands over his ears. “I need that thing. The deniability thing.”

“Plausible deniability. But that suggests she’d ask you if _I_ suggested such a thing, and well…” Puck trails off and shrugs. “I doubt she thinks I would come up with it.” 

“Good,” Finn says. “Then it’s all settled.”

“Sure,” Puck agrees. “So are you tagging along today and tomorrow, Kurt?” 

“If I’m invited, I am,” Kurt says. 

Puck grins. “Just don’t wear your Babylon dancer outfit and it should be fine.” 

Kurt snorts. “Like you’ve ever even seen that show.”

“I’ve seen enough to know what they wear. Or don’t wear.” 

“Yes, that’s definitely a danger, that I’ll show up in next to nothing,” Kurt says.

Puck shrugs and grins again. “Hey, it could happen.” He stands up, shoving his notebook back into his backpack. “Guess we ought to show up for class, though.” 

“Yep, that’s us. The guys who show up for class,” Finn says. 

“But you know, if either of you need a Halloween costume idea or something, I wouldn’t mind seeing you in a Babylon dancer outfit,” Puck says casually as they leave the choir room. 

Kurt laughs, and Finn’s face turns reddish again. “I’ll, uh. See you guys later!” Finn says, turning to walk in the other direction, but almost running smack into Rachel. “Oh, sorry!”

“Finn!” Rachel says, and then her face settles into the perpetual scowl. “I had no idea you were here. You didn’t tell me you’d be at school early this morning.” 

“They’re here for our campaign meeting,” Kurt says cooly. 

“Yeah, I didn’t think about saying anything,” Finn says. “We’ve met before school a bunch of mornings.”

Rachel huffs and then pouts. “You went to the Lima Bean and didn’t bring me a drink?” 

“I didn’t go to the Lima Bean,” Finn says.

“Sorry,” Puck says blandly. “You’re not my candidate. Or one of my Donnas.” 

Rachel narrows her eyes at Puck, then looks back at Finn, who got a little redder when Puck mentioned Donnas. “So Puck’s bringing you coffee?” Rachel says, sighing. 

“You know, _some_ people might think it’s greedy to have _two_ Donnas,” Kurt says to Puck. His tone is teasing, but when Puck looks over at him, it’s clear from his smile that he is flirting.

“If both of the Donnas are happy with it, it’s just a win-win-win, right?” Puck responds, raising his eyebrow and grinning back. 

“Finn!” Rachel says sharply, which probably means Finn was daring to look away from her. “When did you get that shirt? I’ve never seen it before.” 

“Kurt picked it out,” Finn says. “It’s nice, right? And doesn’t wrinkle.”

Rachel purses her lips, and if Puck weren’t so awesome, he’d abandon Finn to his fellow Jew, who is clearly pretty pissed. “When are you and I going out again? You are coming to see _all_ of my performances, right?” 

“All?” Finn parrots back. “I don’t know, Rachel. I thought maybe, like, first and last?”

“Finn, I think you need to really think about your priorities,” Rachel says, glaring up at him. “I know you’ve been playing at politics, but—” 

“Hey! We’re not playing,” Finn protests. “We’re practicing, yeah, but like how you being in _West Side Story_ is practice for Broadway and stuff. I take this really seriously.”

Rachel shakes her head. “Well, you still need to think about what’s _really_ important to you. This is a very important weekend for me.” 

“There’s a lot of important stuff doing on for a lot of people,” Finn says. “I’m doing the best I can to give everybody some time. I’ll be there for opening night.”

“Finn, if you can’t put me first for this,” Rachel begins, then breaks off, doing a very dramatic eye-wipe, and Puck pulls out his notebook to make a note about preparing for her dramatics during the debate. “Of course I want Burt to win, but you have to understand how to prioritize.” 

“Rachel, helping Burt on this campaign might get me into college,” Finn explains. “It might get Puck into college. This _is_ a priority for us.”

“I can tell where I’m not wanted, then,” Rachel says, her voice rising with each additional word, and she spins in place before stalking off. 

“See you at the debate, Rachel!” Kurt calls after her. “And on that note, I’m heading for my first period class.”

Puck stifles a laugh. “Later, Kurt,” he says, throwing Kurt a final smirk before Puck turns back to Finn, clapping his shoulder. “C’mon.” 

“Yeah,” Finn says. He lets Puck steer him in the direction of class, a deep frown on his face.

“You forgot about yourself,” Puck says after a few moments. 

“Forgot about myself how?”

“Nah, in general. Like she was the only one with anything important, and she likes that, so she wasn’t going to to remind you.” 

Finn shrugs. “I told her this campaign stuff is important. It _is_ important. This all means a lot to me.”

“And she can’t handle it,” Puck says quietly. 

“I guess she wasn’t expecting me to care about it this much,” Finn replies. “Nothing I can do about that, though.”

Puck shrugs a little, not sure what to say. "I guess not," he says as they reach their class. He's not even sure if Rachel wasn't trying to break up with Finn. At a minimum, Puck figures she's expecting Finn to figuratively chase her down, but Puck isn't so sure that'll happen.

Puck knows they need to put in at least a token appearance at glee rehearsal, so when the final bell rings, he heads to the choir room. He sees Rachel stalking towards the room from the opposite direction, her mouth in a firm line, and that confirms to him as much as anything that Finn didn’t chase her down like she wanted. She cuts her eyes away from Puck and goes in, sitting primly in the front next to Blaine, and Puck continues to the back of the room. 

“Hey,” he says to Finn and Kurt as he sits down. “What stupid assignment did we have this week?” 

“I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention,” Finn says.

Kurt hums to himself for a moment. “Something about rain, maybe?”

It doesn’t become any clearer while they sit through the entire rehearsal, but at the end of it, Rachel jumps up, pulling Blaine to the front with her. “I know none of you have forgotten, but _West Side Story_ is this weekend, and Blaine and I are so excited about our moments in the spotlight!” She beams a smile at the entire room, then narrows her eyes at Finn as she and Blaine sit back down and Schue dismisses them. 

“Did you get a chance to talk to Tina yet?” Puck asks he stands up. “Artie said he was fine with tomorrow as long as it’s not during rehearsal.” 

“Tina said it would be great,” Kurt says. “I told her to feel free to practice her Rachel Berry impersonation, and make it as annoying as possible.”

“Finn!” Rachel’s voice interrupts, and Puck snorts, because there is that particular strident tone in Rachel’s words. “We need to talk!” 

“We do?” Finn asks. “Okay.”

“Guess we’re witnesses again,” Puck says to Kurt under his breath. 

“Imagine my joy,” Kurt whispers back.

“You didn’t come find me today,” Rachel says to Finn. “I didn’t see you at lunch, either.” 

“Yeah, we ate lunch in here, ‘cause we were talking over some campaign stuff,” Finn says. 

Rachel looks like she’s going to start yelling, and Puck rolls his eyes. He can’t figure out what exactly she wants, but he’s starting to wonder if _she_ doesn’t really know what she wants from Finn, either. “That’s all you talk about,” Rachel mutters. “I told you this morning that I felt like I was a low priority, Finn, and nothing today has made me feel any different whatsoever!” 

“It’s not that you’re a low priority,” Finn says. “It’s just that the campaign is a really, really high one right now.”

“Higher than me?” Rachel asks. 

“I didn’t say higher than you,” Finn says, glancing over at Puck with a panicked look on his face. “I just say, you know, it’s really high. Like, very high on my list.”

Puck looks back with what is probably an equally panicked look, since he hadn’t planned on being involved at all, but Rachel doesn’t look at Puck or Kurt either way. “That wasn’t a no!” she exclaims. “It _is_ a higher priority than me.” She takes a deep breath, clearing preparing herself for something, but Puck isn’t sure if it’s more yelling or some kind of Celine Dion solo. 

“This is my Broadway,” Finn says, putting up his hands like he doesn’t know what else to say.

That brings Rachel up short, and she stares at Finn like she can’t quite comprehend his statement. “Well,” she says after a enough silence that Puck considered trying to make a break for it. “Perhaps we don’t have compatible directions, then.” 

Finn shrugs. “I didn’t think you thought we did, Rachel. We only said it was until graduation.”

“And yet it’s not proving to work even here and now, is it?” Rachel asks. She’s not _yelling_ anymore, at least, but her face is still set and her lips are pressed together in a thin line. “You can’t tell me you’ve enjoyed the past week or so of our relationship.” 

“Yeah, not really,” Finn agrees. “And I know for sure you haven’t, ‘cause you’ve been mad at me kind of a lot.”

“Maybe… maybe we should go our separate ways now, then,” Rachel says sadly. She takes Finn’s hand. “At least until after the show and your election and everything.” 

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe we’ll try it again after all that stuff is done,” Finn says, though Puck can tell Finn doesn’t think it’s likely to happen.

“Yes.” Rachel manages a shaky smile, and as breakups that Puck’s witnessed recently, it’s definitely the calmer of the two. She raises on her tiptoes and kisses Finn’s cheek, and Finn gives her a one-armed hug before she drops back onto flat feet again. Rachel wiggles her fingers in an almost-wave and then heads out of the choir room, straightening her shoulders and lifting her head just as she goes into the hall. 

“Well,” Puck says after thirty or forty seconds pass. 

“That was... something,” Kurt says in agreement. 

“You know, that really could’ve gone a lot worse,” Finn says bracingly. 

“That’s true,” Puck agrees. “I was expecting a lot more screaming. And maybe some crying.” 

“Are you okay, Finn?” Kurt asks gently.

Finn seems to think it over for a few seconds before nodding. “Yeah. I think so.”

“We’ll go get some coffee before we do debate prep, and then we’ll get more before Burt’s dinner and rally tonight,” Puck says, patting Finn’s shoulder for the second time that day. “Sound good?” 

“Yeah, sounds great,” Finn says, giving Puck a halfhearted smile. “Thanks, man.”

“All part of the service,” Puck jokes, heading out of the choir room, but he’s starting to think that if the politics thing doesn’t work out, he could set up some kind of service for getting guys past their breakups. “We’re also going to wait and look at tonight’s polling data in the morning, just in case we don’t like it.” 

“Yeah, he _says_ that,” Finn says to Kurt. “You and I both know he’s gonna sneak and look at it as soon as we’re gone.”

“I won’t,” Puck protests. “Of course, you’ll never know, since I’ll be in my bed and neither of you will be with me. Your loss.” 

“You can tell us all about it in the morning,” Kurt says. “Our terrible loss.”

“You mock now,” Puck says, shaking his head. “But it really is.” He smirks at Kurt and then at Finn, pushing open the door to get them out of McKinley for the day. 

 

“If they voted only on the debate, Kurt would win,” Puck says to Finn as everyone claps at the end of the debate. 

“He did so great!” Finn agrees.

“And he had an actual platform,” Puck says wryly, still clapping. “Still got a week to capitalize on the mistakes the rest of them made.” 

Finn puts his fist up for Puck to bump it. “We can celebrate Kurt’s win and still make it to Burt’s election party with time to spare.”

“I’m half-afraid I’m going to wake up a week from Saturday and put a suit on without thinking about it,” Puck admits as he bumps Finn’s fist. 

“Is that a bad thing?” Finn asks.

“You think I should start wearing suits on the weekends?” Puck asks skeptically. “Go see a movie or eat at Breadstix, all casual in a suit?” 

“Yeah,” Finn says. “That would be cool. Kurt wears suits to school sometimes. Why not you? Maybe we’ll have, like, Suit Day or something.”

“But _why_?” Puck asks. “Do I look hot in a tie or something?” He grins at Finn as they walk towards Kurt, the crowd dispersing. 

Finn shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Huh.” Puck keeps grinning as they reach Kurt. “If they declared debate winners for high school elections, you’d win,” he tells Kurt.

“Thank you,” Kurt says. “And really, _thank you_. I was obviously much better prepared than my competitors.”

“I’m not sure Brittany really knew where she was,” Finn says. “Did she think we were at Regionals or something?”

Puck shrugs. “That’s actually possible with Brittany. Rick the Stick seemed to think he was at a pep rally, but I don’t think this many people go to pep rallies for the hockey team.” He glances at Finn and then smirks at Kurt. “Hey, Kurt, am I hot in a tie?” 

“Everyone’s hotter in a tie,” Kurt replies.

“Aww, you’ve learned so fast,” Puck says proudly. “Listen to you evading the actual question.” 

“Did I? Hmm,” Kurt says, with a small smile. 

“You’re totally hot in a tie,” Finn says. “See? No evading. That’s why I’m not the candidate.”

“I upgraded from ‘maybe’ to ‘totally’, awesome,” Puck says, still smirking. “Okay, ask it so I can answer.” 

Kurt almost laughs, then does start to laugh. “Fine, bossy. What’s next?”

“I’m so glad you asked!” Puck answers. “Now we head up to Milan for your dad’s thing. And yes, you’re coming with us.” 

“Oh, am I?” Kurt asks.

“Yeah, ‘cause Puck’s the campaign manager and you have to listen to him,” Finn says.

“Exactly. Grab your shit and we’ll argue over which truck we’re taking.” 

“We’re taking mine,” Kurt says. “Better sound system, and more comfortable for three.”

“Works for me,” Puck says with a shrug. “And we’ll stop and get some coffee, because that’s all that’s powering me anymore.” He waits until they’re outside and Kurt has the engine on before he continues. “Hope you have your application information with you.” 

“As instructed, oh taskmaster,” Kurt says. 

“My plan’s coming together so well,” Puck muses. “You’re getting used to doing what I say.” 

“Hmph,” Kurt replies.

“You’re gonna love D.C.,” Finn says. “It’s so pretty.”

“And people still dress up,” Puck adds. 

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve already established how hot you look in a tie,” Finn teases. “Quit fishing for compliments.”

“I don’t have to, you just naturally want to give them to me,” Puck says with a small smirk. “Right, Kurt? You’re waiting for your turn, aren’t you?” 

“The dark red shirt you wore to the last fundraiser was very flattering,” Kurt says. 

“See?” Puck sits back, grinning widely. “I think we have to ban the light blue shirts from Finn’s wardrobe, though.” 

“Oh yes, we really must,” Kurt agrees. “Dreadful.”

“Hey!” Finn protests.

“You have no one to blame but yourself,” Kurt retorts. “Carole, maybe. Does she still buy your clothes for you?”

“I wouldn’t answer that, on the grounds that it might incriminate you,” Puck says quickly. “And then make sure the answer is ‘no’.” 

“I didn’t think I was the one that needed groomed,” Finn grumbles.

“Maybe we should get him a longer mirror,” Kurt says.

“Reflects on the candidate, professionalism, blah blah,” Puck says, then snorts. “ _Reflects_.” Finn groans. “You don’t like my humor?” Puck asks, trying to appear offended. 

“That was humor?” Finn asks.

“Hey!” Puck sticks his tongue out, folding his arms across his chest. 

“I’m so glad I have the two of you to model appropriate campaign behavior for me,” Kurt says, catching Puck’s eye in the rearview mirror. “So reassuring.”

“Hey, Josh managed to get laid while running a presidential campaign. Or right after running it, anyway. I’m just making do with alternative forms of stress relief,” Puck argues. 

“Hey, you know Kurt doesn’t want us to talk about that,” Finn says. “Right, Kurt?”

“Oh my god. How long is this drive?” Kurt asks.

Puck leans forward, putting his head between the seats. “Two fun-filled hours, Kurt.” 

“Lucky me,” Kurt sighs.

“Oh, but you are,” Puck says, smirking and still leaning forward. “You’d be so very bored without us and this drive. Right, Finn?” 

“Yep. It’s a long drive with a lot of boring stuff,” Finn says.

“Go ahead, then,” Kurt says. “Entertain me.”

 

Burt’s campaign is performing ahead of expectations, given their district’s composition, but it’s not like he’s leading by a landslide or anything, which means that all the fundraising and social media prowess in the world might not matter, depending on what the voters do. All they can really do is stare at the polling data, and it’s been almost ten days since they last saw any of that. 

Which is why Puck spends the Friday morning before the election jumpy, and during the class before lunch, he pulls out his phone and sends a text to Finn and Kurt. 

_Let’s go down to the campaign office at lunch and wait for the polls_

Finn’s reply comes less than a minute later. _Got Kurt w me, meeting you at the truck!_

Puck grins and doesn’t pay attention for the last few minutes until the bell, heading out to the parking lot as soon as the teacher releases them. “I know it’s supposed to be two,” he calls as he gets closer to Finn and Kurt, “but last time it was closer to noon, so we might get lucky.” 

“I feel lucky!” Finn says. 

Burt’s campaign staff isn’t very big, even with volunteers, and with the polling data not expected until later, Puck, Finn, and Kurt are the only people in the office within five or ten minutes of arriving, the others heading out to lunch. Puck keeps hitting refresh on the website, almost not paying attention to what he’s doing. 

“Okay, best case,” he says. “Dream big.” 

“Burt gets eighty-five percent of the vote,” Finn says.

“Yeah, that’s big,” Puck says with a grin. “Kurt, you have any predictions?” Puck keeps hitting refresh every fifteen seconds or so, on the theory that it has to go up at some point. 

“A conservative sixty-five percent,” Kurt offers. 

Puck laughs. “You know, I guessed it years ago from your clothes, but you don’t know what conservative even means, do you?” 

Kurt smiles enigmatically. “I have my moments.”

“Refresh it again!” Finn demands. “Refresh it faster!”

“Do you want to call them up?” Puck asks, hitting it again. “I guess we could skip until it gets up. Kurt can tell us more about what’s wrong with our essays.” 

“I want to savor the moment before anybody else comes in and ruins it,” Finn says.

“Puck, keep refreshing. Finn, get the essays,” Kurt says.

“He didn’t even argue about them being wrong,” Puck says. “I’m getting tired of seeing ‘October 18’ every time it loads.” 

“Honestly, Finn, you do know your computer has spellcheck, right?” Kurt says. “I wouldn’t have to keep pointing out the spelling mistakes if—”

“Twenty-eighth,” Puck interrupts. “Margin of error’s the same…” He looks up and grins. “Fifty-one percent.” He puts down the computer and stands up. “Fifty-one percent, I feel like I’m dreaming.” 

“Holy shit!” Finn says. “Holy shit!” Kurt just lets out an excited squeal and starts jumping up and down, while Finn continues to say, “Holy shit!”

“I’m having my ‘The Cold’ moment,” Puck says, glancing back and forth between the screen and Finn and Kurt. “Well, the celebration part, anyway, I haven’t had any kissing happen.” 

Finn and Kurt turn towards him, stepping forward, and then they both stop. Puck almost laughs as they stare at each other, because it really is some kind of cliche, probably, but hell, fifty-one percent feels like the penultimate scene from a movie, and he watches Kurt make a small gesture in Puck’s direction while he’s still staring at Finn. 

“Cool,” Finn says, taking the last stride between himself and Puck, wrapping both his hands around the back of Puck’s head and pulling him into hard kiss. Puck had just enough time while Kurt and Finn were staring at each other to prepare himself, so he doesn’t fall backwards at least, but it still takes him a few seconds to unfreeze and kiss back, his hands grabbing at Finn’s waist and snagging on his shirt. 

They’re not even properly making out, there’s no tongue, but the kiss feels like it could slide into something else, something more. It’s just not overly urgent, and Puck’s eyes are still closed for a few seconds as Finn steps back. When he releases Puck’s head, Puck opens his eyes and watches Finn turn towards Kurt, like he’s telling Kurt that it’s his turn. 

Kurt’s eyes widen, then he takes a tentative step in Puck’s direction. Puck grins a little, reaching for Kurt’s hand and then tugging him towards Puck as Puck moves forward. Puck slides his other hand around the back of Kurt’s neck, though neither one of them really has to look up or down, and Puck presses his lips to Kurt’s almost gently before kissing him more forcefully. Puck does feel Kurt’s tongue on his lips after a moment, and Puck lets his mouth fall open enough for Kurt’s tongue to push inside. Puck slides the hand on Kurt’s neck up into Kurt’s hair, wondering if Kurt will notice and complain about Puck messing up his hair, after they kiss. 

When the kiss ends, Puck grins at both Kurt and Finn. “I need polling data to be released more often.” 

“Wow, Kurt,” Finn says. “Your hair.”

Kurt’s hand flies to his hair, his eyes narrowing. “Did you mess up my hair, Noah Puckerman?”

Puck keeps grinning. “I think if you don’t remember it, the answer’s not important.” 

“Well, so _that_ was weird,” Finn says, not sounding too bothered by it. 

Puck shrugs, closing his laptop and picking it up. “Well, you know. It was bound to happen sometime.” 

“Heat of the moment,” Kurt suggests. 

“Well, it—” Puck cuts off as someone arrives back from lunch, and he grins to himself. “Back to work,” he says instead. “Gotta rewrite those intros for the weekend, for starters.” 

“You got it, bossman,” Finn says. 

Puck’s grin gets a little wider, and he grabs his backpack before the three of them leave the campaign office. He doesn’t mention the polling data being up to anyone there, because it’s just some phone bank volunteers and the finance guy, and the finance guy doesn’t really care what the poll numbers are as long as everyone’s getting paid. They at least spend the rest of the school day inside McKinley, but Puck doesn’t pay much attention, between campaign work and the fact that he did have a legitimate ‘The Cold’ moment, down to the kissing. 

“Patience,” Puck whispers to himself as the bell rings for the end of the day. “First you’ve got to finish these two campaigns out.”


	5. Election Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choir room, war room, and hotel room.

Puck is pretty sure he now understands the antacids thing, because if he weren’t eighteen, the final weekend of the campaign might cause him to need antacids, too. As it is, by Tuesday morning, he feels like he’s running on adrenaline and caffeine, but it also feels pretty damn awesome. He hits the alarm and sits up, rubbing his face for a good half a minute before he feels human enough to stumble into the shower. The polls for Burt open at 7am, and he’s meeting Kurt and Finn at the Lima Bean at 6:45, in time to get coffee and get to the campaign office to mark the time polls open before they head to McKinley and its polls opening at 7:30. 

Puck beats the two of them to the Lima Bean and puts in their orders, leaning against the counter while he absently watches the barista make their drinks. The bell on the door rings as Finn and Kurt arrive together, Kurt dressed to the nines and Finn in a suit, but still looking half asleep.

“‘Morning,” Puck says as the barista slides the first of their drinks onto the counter. “It’s too early to tell yet if it’s good.” 

“Coffee good,” Finn grumbles, picking up the drink.

“That’s not yours,” Puck points out. 

“Don’t care,” Finn says, taking a long swallow. “I’ll buy another one.”

Puck shrugs. “I was going to do that anyway. This feels like a final. A final that we couldn’t really study for.” 

“I was too nervous to eat anything before we left the house,” Kurt says. “My stomach’s in knots.”

“I put a bunch of those Clif Bars in my backpack for later,” Puck offers. “I figured at some point I’d get hungry enough to eat.” 

“I put bananas in Finn’s backpack,” Kurt says. 

“You did?” Finn asks.

“You didn’t wonder why your backpack had bananas in it?” Kurt asks.

“I... just kind of thought maybe they’d always been there,” Finn admits. “It’s early. My brain’s not really on yet.”

Puck makes a face and picks up his coffee, handing the remaining one to Kurt. “Old bananas in a backpack sounds nasty. But go us, we have three food groups. Coffee, protein bar, and fruit. That’s balanced.” He takes a large drink of his coffee and then shudders. “Okay, I’m more awake. Time to watch the clock go to seven.” 

“And you and I will hit our polling place on the way in to school,” Kurt says to Finn. “Puck, did you want to ride with us, then swing by yours?”

“Yeah, that works out,” Puck agrees as they walk the block and a half between the Lima Bean and Burt’s campaign offices. “Hey, it’s all five of the staff. Including us.” 

“Everybody’s excited,” Finn says.

“Guess so,” Puck says, raising his hand to greet the others there. “Today’s the day.” 

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get through the day with my nerves intact,” Kurt says quietly.

“We should have brought Kurt a cheesecake,” Puck says to Finn. 

“Or a tranquilizer gun,” Finn says. “Like in _Madagascar_.”

“He likes to move it, move it,” Kurt says in this strange high-pitched voice, then starts to giggle hysterically.

“I think the elections broke Kurt,” Finn stage-whispers. 

“Cheesecake _and_ a tranquilizer gun,” Puck says, standing near the front of the office and glancing at the clock. “We’ll know one result in eight hours, at least.” 

The staff, plus some of the GOTV volunteers, end up huddling around and facing the clock, and out of the corner of his eye, Puck sees Burt join the crowd on one side. When the second hand gets to the nine, a whispered countdown starts, getting louder by the time they’re on ‘six’. 

“... Four, three, two, one!” everyone says in unison, and they turn towards Burt and clap, which he waves off after just a few moments. 

“Twelve hours,” Puck says, then raises his voice. “Okay, no one forget to vote for themselves! Everyone knows what to do!” He looks at Kurt and Finn. “And now we vote.” 

Voting doesn’t take long, because there aren’t that many things on the ballot, and the real battle, Puck figures, is in voter turnout. They get to McKinley five minutes before _those_ polls open, with fresh coffee. 

“At least there’s only three of you now,” Puck says to Kurt. “Makes a run-off a lot less likely.”

“I hope so. I can’t handle a run-off,” Kurt says. 

“Of course you can,” Finn insists. “You can handle anything they throw your way, because you have the best campaign staff ever.”

“Look at this way,” Puck offers. “If there’s a run-off, you’ll probably get more cheesecake than if there’s not.” 

“I could possibly handle a run-off,” Kurt concedes.

Puck laughs as some of the McKinley staff suddenly start waving people forward to vote, and then he shakes his head. “That’s kind of anti-climatic. No countdown or anything.” 

“At least we’ll have these results a lot sooner,” Finn says.

“True.” Puck grins at Kurt as he reaches the front of the line. “I’m going to vote for Ross Perot, okay?” 

“What?” Kurt hisses. “Why?”

Puck laughs at the look on Kurt’s face. “I’m kidding. But maybe you should try to convince some of Rick’s voters that he’s endorsed Ross Perot instead.” 

“I’m not going to talk to Rick’s voters at all,” Kurt says. 

“Yeah, that’s probably a good plan,” Finn says. “Okay, Puck. Into the booth!” He gives Puck a gentle nudge forward. 

“Hey, no voter intimidation!” Puck says over his shoulder. He goes in, checks Kurt’s name, and then goes into the hall to wait for Kurt and Finn to finish voting. While Puck is waiting, Mercedes and Shane pass by him, heading towards the gym for voting. Mercedes pauses in front of Puck, looking at him askance.

“What are you doing in a suit?” Mercedes demands. “Why do you even own a suit?”

“It’s Election Day,” Puck says matter-of-factly. “I actually have…” he trails off, thinking. “Four.” 

“Four suits?” Mercedes asks, blinking. “Four _whole_ suits? Not just pieces?”

“Yeah, I had five, but the one is skintight now because of my guns.” Puck smirks. “I needed ‘em for D.C. Which doesn’t actually have a lot of appreciation for muscles, now that I think about it.” 

“Oh,” Mercedes says, then Shane tugs her arm and they continue walking down the hall, Mercedes giving Puck a strange backwards look over her shoulder. Puck laughs to himself and leans his head back on the wall after taking another sip of coffee. 

Puck lets his eyes close for a moment, but then he jumps when a hand lands on his lower back. It’s big enough Puck knows it’s Finn, but he still opens his eyes and turns his head to the side before grinning. “Responsible citizen?” 

“You know it. Civic duty, dude.”

“We actually have to go to class today,” Puck says with a little groan. “And there’s nothing to distract ourselves with.” 

“We’ll figure something out,” Finn says. “We can steal some coffee from the teacher’s lounge and sit around and obsess during lunch break.”

“Talk dirty to me,” Puck says as Kurt joins them.

“I heard that the lines at the polling places are getting so long, they’ve had to wrap them around the building in some locations,” Kurt say in a sultry voice.

“Well, shit,” Puck says. “Now you two expect me to sit in class?” 

“You could have a sudden, unexplained case of the stomach flu,” Kurt suggests. “We might all have it.”

“Very tempting,” Puck says with a leer. “But as your campaign manager, I have to point out that there is _some_ publicity you don’t want on the day of the election.” 

“We’ll just have to meet up at lunch like I said, then,” Finn says.

“Yeah, definitely,” Puck agrees. The morning goes by horribly slowly in Puck’s view, and he thinks it’s probably good he doesn’t have a test or anything. At least, he doesn’t have one that he knows about. As soon as fourth period ends, he heads towards the teachers’ lounge, peeking in for a second and then looking for Finn. He jumps for a second time that day when Finn’s hand lands on his back again. “Trying to scare me?” he says without turning around. 

“Why? Are you scared?” Finn asks.

“You keep sneaking up on me. I was thinking that with the suit, maybe they’d think I was a substitute.” 

“I’ll keep watch. You go in and do your thing,” Finn says, handing Puck the thermos.

Puck grins, then tries to look bored and a little lost as he goes into the teachers’ lounge. He knows his acting is usually over the top—usually on purpose, too—so he just goes straight to the coffee pot and starts pouring it into the thermos. Since no one seems to notice him, he sets it up to brew a fresh pot instead of leaving it empty, then screws the lid on and starts to leave the room. He can hear Finn talking to someone, which is why he doesn’t notice Coach Beiste heading in until she’s already spotted him. 

“Really, kid?” she asks, looking somewhat amused. 

Puck shrugs and holds up the thermos. “I made a fresh pot.” 

Luckily, that seems to tip the balance, and she laughs as she goes on into the teachers’ lounge. Puck reaches out and snags Finn’s sleeve without looking to see who Finn’s talking to. “C’mon,” he mutters. 

“See ya, Mr. Schue,” Finn calls out as he falls into step with Puck. 

“Schue probably wouldn’t have noticed,” Puck says with a snort. “Full thermos, though. And no exit polls yet.” 

“We actually eating lunch here, or did we want to go some place where you can obsess with less people around?” Finn asks.

“That implies I’m eating something besides a Clif bar and one of your smuggled bananas,” Puck says. “Either way it’s not happening. Ask Kurt.” 

“If I tear the food into small bites and feed them to you, will you eat it?” Finn asks.

“The problem isn’t the chewing,” Puck says with a snort. “If I toss cookies, you can clean it up.” 

Finn sighs. “Yeah, I guess that probably is Donna’s job.”

“I wouldn’t stop for a beer,” Puck offers as they walk. “You text Kurt?” 

“Yeah. He’s on his way.”

“We could just hole up in the choir room until they announce the results here,” Puck says after a moment. “Kurt may not want to be in a classroom full of people when they read the results, anyway.” 

“He’s going to win,” Finn says. “He might want to be around people when he wins.”

“Yeah, you convince him of that,” Puck says, digging in his backpack for one of the Clif bars, since they’re almost to the choir room. “The winning part, I mean. I don’t think he believes us.” 

“As long as he believes _in_ us,” Finn says. 

“I think it’s the remainder of the student body he doubts,” Puck says dryly, flopping into one of the chairs and tearing open the Clif bar. 

Kurt comes hurrying into the choir room, saying, “I’m sorry! I got sidetracked by Rachel, who apparently needed to ask me if I’d written a concession speech. Did I miss anything?”

“No, but I bet we did by missing your response to that,” Puck says. “Clif bar?”

“Oh, I just told her where she could stuff her concession speech, and yes, I’d love a Clif bar,” Kurt says.

“Bet she loved that,” Finn says, shaking his head.

Puck gets out another Clif bar and tosses it to Kurt. “We didn’t hear any screeching, though.” 

“No, she just made that little ‘hmph’ noise, stomped her foot, and told me she was trying to be gracious,” Kurt says. He unwraps the Clif bar and starts taking small bites. “This might have been a bad idea. I think it’s going to sit like a rock in my stomach.”

“Better than not sitting at all,” Puck says, pulling out his phone and checking his email. “They’re not even running exit polls in some parts of the district, so we just have to extrapolate from similar areas.” 

“Do we need to send someone out there?” Finn asks.

“Do we have enough staff to do that?” Kurt asks. 

“No,” Puck says, shaking his head. “I mean, it’d be nice, but as long as there’s GOTV people in most precincts, that’s the important thing. At least it’s only a couple of hours left for here.” 

“The waiting is the worst part,” Kurt says. “I don’t think I can eat any more of this.” He folds the wrapper around the remaining two-thirds of the Clif bar, tucking the bar into his bag.

“Hardest,” Puck corrects.

“ _You can take it on faith, you can take it to heart_ ,” Finn sings. Puck grins and joins him for the next line, “ _The waiting is the hardest part_.”

“Do I have to pay you more for the musical consulting?” Kurt asks. 

Puck grins. “Absolutely.” That is mostly how they spend their afternoon, skipping class and singing random snippets of songs to distract themselves, at least until the PA system crackles and Figgins’ voice comes out. 

“Attention, students. Attention please.” 

“Here we go,” Puck says, grinning at Kurt. 

“Oh my god,” Kurt whispers. “I’m going to be sick.” He reaches out with both hands, grabbing Puck’s hand with his left and Finn’s hand with his right.

“Do I have to clean up your tossed cookies, too?” Finn asks.

“Shhh,” Puck says. “We already missed treasurer, if anyone cared about that besides the people running.” 

“And now for president,” Figgins says after a few more seconds. “The winner of the 2012 presidency at McKinley High is… Mr. Kurt Hummel.” 

“Oh my god. Oh my god! He said my name!” Kurt says. “He said my name!”

Puck laughs. “Yeah, you’re Kurt Hummel. And you won, just like we said you would.” 

“ _We_ won,” Kurt replies. “I can’t believe we won!”

“Duh. Of course we won,” Finn says. “We know what we’re doing.”

“What am I supposed to do now? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!” Kurt says, almost squealing the words in his excitement. 

Puck smirks, catching Finn’s eye for a second before speaking. “Victory kisses.” 

Kurt looks a little confused, and Puck shakes his head once before pulling on Kurt’s hand and then kissing him, pushing his tongue into Kurt’s mouth when he startles and his lips barely part. Puck kisses him long enough to lose track of exactly how long, then pulls back, still holding Kurt’s hand, and nudges him towards Finn. 

Finn raises his eyebrows at Puck, and Puck nods. Finn reaches for Kurt, sliding his hand into Kurt’s hair, and then pulls him into a gentle kiss, pressing their lips together for a few long moments. When Finn finally releases Kurt, Kurt looks light-headed and woozy, his face flushed. 

“Well,” Kurt says breathily. “Goodness.”

“I guess this is just what we do now,” Finn offers.

Puck tries his best to sound bland. “Well, Burt’s party tonight is at a hotel.” 

“Cool,” Finn says, shrugging like it’s not a big deal to him either.

“Let’s just see what happens,” Kurt says, his face reddening. 

“You should go address the masses so we can check in at the campaign office and then head up to Findlay,” Puck says, letting himself smirk a little. “One win down, one left to confirm, right?” 

“Almost time to get this party started,” Finn agrees. 

No one really listens to Kurt’s acceptance speech, which is what Puck figured, but they video it so he’ll have a record of it somewhere, and then the three of them head over to the mostly-empty campaign office. There’s one lone GOTV coordinator and the finance guy, who doesn’t look upset, so they probably aren’t too far in the red. 

The box of markers and other shit is where Puck left it, and no one’s messed with his outlined map of every precinct in the district, which is good. He’s not sure he could justify hitting whoever messed it up if they did, but he would definitely want to. 

“Okay, coffee, snacks, and we’re good to transform the Findlay Inn’s boardroom into our war room,” Puck says. He grins at Kurt. “Lead on, Mr. President.” 

The drive up to Findlay isn’t too bad, and they really do have a hotel room set aside for their use. In theory, it’s for napping, but Puck figures it’s more likely for collapsing after the results, when they’re too tired to drive back to Lima before bed. He wouldn’t mind doing more than sleeping, either, but he knows that has to wait, and they unpack everything in the boardroom adjacent to the party room.

Once the map is hung and all their electronics are charging, Puck sits downs and stares at the computer screen. “Can we make the polls close yet? Did they send you those turnout numbers, Finn?” 

“Better than expected in Tiffin and most of Crawford County, about what you’d expect in Sandusky and Allen,” Finn says, then grins widely at Puck. “Record turnout at all of Lima’s polling locations.”

“Is that good? That’s what we want, right?” Kurt ask.

“It means all the GOTV is working. Well, or people in Lima _really_ don’t want Coach Sylvester to be in Congress, but that still means it’s working,” Puck says, smirking. “It’s not raining anywhere, right?” 

“Clear skies across the whole state,” Finn says.

“Two more hours.” Puck hits refresh on the site he’s on, even though he knows it’s not really going to do anything. “We planned this bad, what do we do until the polls close?” He looks up at Finn and Kurt and grins. “I mean, unless you two wanted to help me check out those rooms.” 

“We might miss something important,” Finn says. “Lose track of time. Miss the polls closing.”

Puck groans and lowers his head to the table, banging it a few times. “We have _two hours_.” 

“But... we might _need_ more than two hours,” Finn says, looking very confused.

“Yeah, I don’t know if it’s awesome that you think we need more than two hours, or horrible because you’re cockblocking me,” Puck mumbles, face still against the table. 

“I honestly cannot tell if either or both of you are being serious or not,” Kurt says. 

“I’m completely serious,” Puck insists. “I’d tell you how long it’s been, even.” 

“Poor Puck,” Finn says. “I know it’s been months.”

“So many months,” Puck agrees. “And at least a few weeks.” 

“Still more recent than me,” Finn says.

“Ah, so it’s also been since never months ago for you, too?” Kurt asks. 

“I guess that depends on whether you’d count Santana or not,” Finn says. “I mean, you know, technically that happened, but since she pretends it didn’t, it probably only halfway counts.”

“I’ve never had a threesome where all three were guys,” Puck offers from his head-down position on the table. “You two’d better tell me if Burt comes in during this conversation.” 

“So, you’ve been in a threesome where there were two _not_ guys?” Kurt asks, sounding about half impressed and half dubious.

“Nah, one girl, two guys,” Puck answers, tilting his head to one side and squinting at Kurt. “Remember April Rhodes?” 

“Puck! She was _old_!” Kurt gasps. 

“Wait, so who was the guy?” Finn asks. 

“Remember she was convincing all of us she could stay?” Puck says. “I wasn’t going to turn her _down_.” He tilts his head to the other side and smirks at Finn. “Didn’t you ever wonder how exactly she convinced Matt?” 

“I guess I didn’t really think about it,” Finn says. “Huh. Well, go you, I guess!”

Kurt frowns slightly. “But you weren’t really serious about—”

“Hey, kiddo!” Burt interrupts, going over to Kurt and giving him a huge hug. “I hear congratulations are in order!” 

Puck straightens in his seat and catches Finn’s eye, nodding once, because he was completely serious about the hotel room, and behind Burt, the rest of the campaign staff files into the room. 

“We’ll celebrate together in two hours,” Kurt tells Burt.

“We’ll see, we’ll see,” Burt says, releasing Kurt from the hug. “Did you boys hear about the turnout numbers? They were talking about it on the radio on the drive up.” 

“Yeah, they look great,” Finn says. “I was really surprised about Tiffin.”

“We’re learning plenty for your re-election campaign next year,” Puck says with a slight grin. “So much of it does come down to turnout.” 

“Yeah, those Get Out the Vote guys really got out the vote,” Finn says.

“It’s good they do what we pay them for,” Puck says. “The party setup looked pretty good.”

“Food’ll be out by seven,” Burt says. “Do you boys have any homework to do?” 

Finn shrugs, Kurt shakes his head, and Puck frowns before realizing he should probably shake his head, too. He hasn’t really worried too much about homework for a few weeks, and it doesn’t seem like there’s a big hurry to start worrying about it before the campaign’s wrapped up. 

“Well, I guess I’ll let all of you do your thing,” Burt says. “I’m going to go find the room for Carole and I.” 

“See?” Puck whispers as Burt walks out, and the rest of the staff starts to set themselves up. 

“What?” Finn asks.

“We could go decide on one of the other rooms!” Puck hisses. 

“Fine, but just to look and decide,” Kurt says. 

“Party pooper,” Puck says as he stands up and walks out of the room. “Why?”

“Bad luck to celebrate before a confirmed win,” Kurt says. “I don’t want to jinx it.”

“Oh, I didn’t know we were done celebrating _your_ win,” Puck says brightly. 

“I’m not really sure anything we’d be doing in a hotel room is school election-winning calibre,” Kurt says. “That’s more like congressional election-winning calibre.”

“Hmm,” Puck says, shaking his head sadly as they walk to their block of rooms. “Okay, your parents are in this one,” he says, gesturing to the first door. “We’ve got five rooms all on this side. We should look at the one at the other end.” He leads them down to the final room, opening the door without any Josh-levels of difficulty. “One king-size bed,” he announces as soon as the three of them are inside. 

“I guess that does clarify what kind of celebrating we were talking about,” Kurt notes.

Finn flops onto the bed and stretches out. “Why don’t I have a bed this big at home?”

“Because your mom was afraid you’d have people join you?” Puck offers. “And yeah, I was serious.” He sits on the edge of the bed and looks around the room. “Celebrate, console, either way.” 

“I suppose we’ll just have to see how it turns out,” Kurt says. 

Puck grins at both of them. “We could always have more kissing. For luck.” 

Finn tugs on Puck’s sleeve. “C’mere, then.”

Puck lies back, still grinning, and then rolls towards Finn. “Coming’s later,” he points out, “but yeah, sounds good.” He puts one arm across Finn’s chest and rolls him slightly, bringing him close enough for Puck to put his lips to Finn’s. Finn kisses back, putting one arm around Puck and holding him tightly. Puck grins against Finn’s lips and runs his tongue along them, and then shifts his position to bring the rest of his body against Finn’s. 

Finn’s lips part, his free hand resting on the back of Puck’s head as they kiss. Puck pushes his tongue into Finn’s mouth, and his hips jerk forward almost involuntarily as his fingers grab at the edge of Finn’s jacket. Finn’s leg pushes up between Puck’s legs as Finn presses his body against Puck’s. Puck keeps kissing Finn until he’s a little breathless, and he pulls back to start kissing down Finn’s jawline.

“Hey,” Finn says quietly. “Hey, stop.”

Puck pulls back and frowns at Finn. “Huh?”

“Kurt,” Finn says. 

Puck looks over his shoulder at Kurt, who’s standing at the foot of the bed looking both intrigued and wistful, and Puck nods, reaching his hand towards Kurt. “C’mere.” 

Kurt raises his eyebrows, which makes Finn laugh and says, “He means it.”

Kurt kicks off his shoes and crawls up the bed, towards Puck and Finn, sitting back on his heels when he reaches them. Finn lets go of Puck, moving to the side so there’s just enough space between them for Kurt to fit. Puck grins and then puts a hand on the back of Kurt’s neck, dragging him closer and kissing him. 

Puck puts his other hand on Kurt’s waist and nudges at Kurt’s hips with his own, sliding a leg between Kurt’s legs. He realizes a moment later that Finn is pushing up against Kurt from behind, his hand running down Kurt’s arm and side before Puck feels Finn’s hand on his own hand and arm. Puck grins into the kiss a little, wondering if Kurt believes now that they were completely serious. 

Finn’s hand moves off of Puck’s arm, and then Kurt starts to roll away from Puck and towards Finn as Finn tugs Kurt towards him. Finn and Kurt’s mouths meet, and Puck chuckles a little. “Believe that I was serious now?” he mutters, his mouth next to Kurt’s ear. Kurt nods without making any other response. “Good,” Puck says, sliding his body firmly against Kurt’s and kissing the back of his neck. 

Puck glares towards the door when he hears a knock, but the knocking continues, followed by the GOTV coordinator’s voice. “Mr. Puckerman? Are you in here?” 

“Uh… yeah,” Puck manages to respond after clearing his throat. 

“Future Congressman Hummel is looking for you—”

“As opposed to the Hummel on the bed,” Puck mutters loudly enough for Finn and Kurt to hear. 

“—his son?” There’s a pause and the coordinator starts talking again. “Have you seen his son?”

“Thanks, Bethany,” Finn calls out. “We’re in the middle of a strategy meeting. Tell Burt we’ll all be there in a few.”

“Oh! Okay,” Bethany answers, and Puck thinks he can hear her walking away as he snorts and turns back to Finn and Kurt. 

“Yeah, my strategy for getting you both in here after we win,” Puck says with a grin. “Is it working?” 

“Oh yeah,” Finn says. “Kurt?”

“Yes, I think it might be working,” Kurt agrees.

“Tough customer,” Puck says as he sits up. “Just ‘might’?” He stands in front of the mirror for long enough to tuck his shirt back in—even though he doesn’t remember it coming untucked—and then moves to the side. 

“He can’t give in too easy,” Finn says. “He’s an elected official now.”

“Yeah, ‘Scandalous Affair Marks Hummel’s First Week in Office’ would be a great headline,” Puck says with a chuckle. “But he doesn’t have to worry about reelection, and I’m pretty sure he can’t get impeached.” He smirks at Finn. “And I’m not wearing a blue dress, but I guess you’re welcome to.” 

“Nah, I’m good,” Finn says.

“I suppose all we really have to worry about now are our college applications,” Kurt says. 

“Tomorrow,” Puck insists. “Everyone look like we weren’t just making out in a hotel room?”

“We all look great,” Finn says.

“The candidate awaits?” Kurt asks.

“Exactly.” Puck pockets the key for that room separate from the other room keys still in his front pockets and leads the way out of the room and back down to the war room. “Only another ninety minutes or so and we’ll have some actual results to put on the board,” he says as they walk in and he glances at the clock. 

“Puckerman,” Burt says, looking a little wild around the eyes. “The state party’s called twice, and—”

“Don’t talk to them,” Puck interrupts. “You can still do that call-in to the radio station at six if you want to, get more people out to the polls, but that’s all you have to do until you give your acceptance speech in there.” He points behind him towards the main room. “Got it?”

“We’ve got a concession speech prepared just in case, right?” Burt asks.

“Oh, Dad,” Kurt says, giving Burt a hug. “You’ve got the best campaigners under twenty-one in the country working for you. You don’t need a concession speech.”

“I’d go up against anyone under thirty, actually,” Puck says, grabbing the printout with the latest turnout numbers. 

“And the most modest ones,” Burt says dryly. 

“Hell yeah!” Finn says in agreement. 

“Turnout’s still high in Lima, go for the Findlay radio show, or even Bellevue.” Puck studies the numbers for a minute longer, then hands them to Finn. “What do you think? Maybe Bellevue, get everyone in Sandusky out? We polled decently there.” 

“Yeah, don’t worry about Lima or Tiffin,” Finn says. “Findlay, Bellevue, maybe Freemont.”

“Do we have anything set up in Freemont yet?” Puck asks. “We can call and get him on, maybe in just a few minutes.” 

“I’ll see who I can get on the phone,” Finn says.

“Come on, dad,” Kurt says. “Let’s get you a bottle of water and some throat spray, so you can sound your best on the air.”

“Yeah, okay,” Burt agrees, and Puck looks around the room until he spots a coffee dispenser. He gets two cups and takes one over to Finn, who is already on the phone. 

“5:45 or 6:15,” Puck whispers. “Findlay’s at the hour, and Bellevue we had 6:30 set aside.” 

“I know, I know,” Finn whispers back, hand over the mouthpiece.

“Drink some coffee,” Puck adds, still whispering. He scans the room and sighs; there really isn’t anything for them to do until the results start to trickle in precinct by precinct. 

They get the 5:45 slot for Freemont, which does at least mean they can spend a little bit of time getting Burt set up for each call-in, keeping it quiet around him in one of the other hotel rooms. After the last call-in at 6:30 is done, though, there’s still a few minutes before the polls even close, and Puck grabs Finn and Kurt, pulling them into the war room and staring at the clock. 

“Move faster,” Puck says, glaring at the clock. 

“Watched pot,” Kurt says. “Never boils.”

“This is a lot harder than the campaign stops,” Puck complains. “Next time we need to leave something for the last minute. Acceptance speech, transition schedule, something.” 

“We could go back to the room,” Finn suggests.

“Everyone knows we’re here now,” Puck says with a sigh, shaking his head. “And the press is starting to show up, too.” 

“Too bad,” Finn says.

“Yeah.” Puck takes a deep breath and then notices a few people joining them as the clock reads 6:59. “This is just like this morning, down to how awake I feel at the exact moment.” Everyone counts down again, and everyone claps again, and then Puck waves a few people out into the party area. 

“So, what’s next?” Finn asks.

Puck grins. “Okay, we have people keeping an eye on media coverage, the state party has someone whose sole job is to manage the party out there, so we just get to sit here and refresh for results, and let people tell us about the media coverage.” He frowns a little and looks at Kurt. “Make sure your dad stays in his hotel room. Carole, too. They’ll want to interview them if they get too close to the main room.” 

“I’ll corral the future congressman,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes a little as he goes to find Burt.

“We’ll get you some cowboy boots!” Puck calls after him, then sits down in front of the computer, hitting refresh out of habit more than expectation. “I don’t think we should get him any rope,” Puck says more quietly to Finn. 

“No, definitely not,” Finn agrees.

“I have bad news for you, though,” Puck says solemnly. 

“Oh yeah? Did you see some number or something that I haven’t seen yet?”

Puck laughs. “No, but I’m not wearing a suit this Saturday. You know why?”

“‘Cause it’ll be dirty?” Finn asks.

“Because I’m not planning on getting out of bed and getting dressed.”

“I guess you’re due a little rest after all of this,” Finn says.

Puck smirks. “Yeah, I guess I would just have to sleep, if I were alone.”

“Ohhhhhh,” Finn says. “Yeah, okay, that’s not bad news, then, dude.”

“It is if you were counting on the suit,” Puck says. “Can’t say I won’t be glad to ditch ‘em for a few more months, though.” 

“I like the suits,” Finn says.

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll be in luck later, then.” 

“Now, my dude experience is pretty limited, but I think the suit has to come off for anything much to happen,” Finn points out. 

Puck laughs, throwing his head back, and when he straightens, all of the others in the war room are looking at him instead of whatever media they’re supposed to be monitoring. Puck just smirks and shakes his head until they’ve lost interest, and then he turns to Finn. “Yeah, but I think we’ll all figure it out pretty quick. Fast learners and all.”

“I hope so,” Finn says. “Don’t want to disappoint anybody.”

Puck shakes his head again. “I don’t think you will.”

It takes another hour for the numbers to start trickling in, but around nine, the precincts start reporting in waves, and Puck barely keeps up with the numbers or the map of the district. The most rural districts don’t go their way, which is what Puck expected, but they have a strong showing in Champaign County, which is a little surprising. By the time they have about three-fourths of the precincts reporting, Puck caps his marker and looks around the war room for Finn. Puck finally finds him when he realizes Finn’s leaning over, looking at someone’s laptop with an expression that suggests whatever is on the laptop is both wrong and should be ashamed of itself. Puck pushes through the room and threads a finger through one of Finn’s belt loops. 

“We need to find Kurt,” he says quietly to Finn.

“I think he’s still with Burt and Mom,” Finn says. “Let’s go get him.”

“I think they’re going to call it soon,” Puck confesses quietly once they’re in the hall. “Just tell him we need him for something real quick. Burt and Carole can still wait in the room.” 

“I’ll be right back.” Finn heads down the hall, and Puck leans against the wall, trying not to give anything away. He could be wrong, but there’s not that many precincts outstanding, and the ones that haven’t reported are mostly in Allen County. A lead for Burt going into Allen County is just going to mean an even bigger lead in the end, and he’s pretty sure the analysts for the media know that too. 

Puck straightens when he hears Finn and Kurt coming back, and he falls into step with them. “War room or main room?” he asks. 

“War room,” Finn says. “We’re warriors. We belong in the war room.”

“Fair enough.” When they get back in the war room, Puck turns the volume up on one of the three televisions set up, then stands back just enough so people can see around him with a little work. “We’ve got over 75% of precincts,” he explains to Kurt, “and the ones left are mostly Allen County.” 

“Oh my god,” Kurt whispers. “It’s really happening!”

“Yep,” Puck says with a nod, just as the reporter starts talking again. 

“With almost eighty percent of precincts reporting in the special election for the fourth Congressional district, we’re prepared to call the election for Burt Hummel,” the reporter says, and the room erupts into cheers.

“Holy shit!” Finn says, grabbing Puck by the waist. “Holy shit! We did it!” He pulls Puck close and plants a hard kiss on his lips in front of everybody, before letting Puck go, slightly red-faced.

Puck laughs, feeling more relieved by the outcome than he’d like to admit to most people, and he almost staggers, shaking his head. “ _All_ of our campaigns are going to have to have hotel rooms, aren’t they?” he asks. 

“Yeah, duh, obviously,” Finn says.

“Oh my god!” Kurt squeals. “You did it. You really did it!”

“Two wins in one day feels pretty damn good,” Puck admits, and as most of the people in the room head into the main party area, he grabs Kurt’s hand and kisses him, too. “We’ve just got to make sure your dad has his speech, and then our job is done.” 

Puck looks up with just enough time to release Kurt and then yell out as Burt walks past the room, “Got your speech, Congressman?”

Burt laughs and holds up the speech, then starts to turn towards them, and Puck shakes his head, gesturing to the podium. “Thank you!” Burt mouths, and Puck grins back. 

He watches as Burt goes into the room, accompanied by cheers, and then heads to the podium, and then Puck turns to Kurt and Finn. “ _Now_ we’re done.” 

“So... what’s next?” Finn asks, grinning at Puck.

Puck laughs. “Oh, that’s easy. One big bed and the three of us.”


	6. Four Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nine envelopes.

Puck grimaces as he looks down at the three envelopes in his hand and then at the ones in Kurt’s and Finn’s hands as they sit in the choir room. “I never knew nine pieces of paper could be so intimidating.”

“One of them has to say yes,” Kurt says. 

“That’s what I thought until all three of them were in my hand,” Puck says. “Okay, let’s just do this. Which one first?” 

“Let’s do American last, since we all applied to it,” Finn says.

“And you’re a glutton for punishment?” Kurt asks. “I’m going to open my letter from Elon first.”

“We’ll do GW, then,” Puck decides, putting the other two envelopes down. “Ready?”

“On three,” Finn says. “One, two... _three_!”

The sound of ripping paper echoes through the choir room, then Kurt is the first to say, “Oh!”

“Good oh?” Puck says, unfolding his letter and scanning it. “Holy shit!”

“Me, too!” Finn says. “Holy shit! I got in!”

“Same,” Kurt says. “That’s one yes down!”

“I kinda want to rub this in a few people’s faces,” Puck admits. “Okay, we’ll do U of DC now, and you do NYADA.” 

“Okay,” Kurt says. “Is it bad I want the yes from NYADA, even though it’s my last choice at this point?”

“No, it’s not bad,” Finn says, tearing into his envelop. “Oh my god, you guys. Oh my god, it’s another yes.”

Kurt opens his envelope and smiles. “Mine, too.”

Puck laughs, admittedly a bit evilly, as he opens his. “Slow revenge is still revenge, and yeah, that’s another yes. Damn. Dude, one way or another, we’re going to D.C.”

“Yeah, we are,” Finn agrees. “Okay. Let’s do this last one. American on three. Ready?”

“Yes,” Kurt says. “One.”

Finn says, “Two.”

“Three,” Puck finishes, ripping into his envelope and unfolding the letter inside. “They are pleased to inform,” he says, grinning widely. 

“Finn C. Hudson,” Finn reads. 

“That he has been accepted to American University,” Kurt finishes. “That’s all three of us! Three yes letters?”

“Three yeses,” Finn says.

“Nine yeses total. Holy shit.” Puck feels like he can’t stop grinning. “Like I said, I really want to rub these in some people’s faces.” 

“Let’s celebrate first, rub in faces later,” Finn suggests.

“Do they have three-person dorms at American, do you think?” Kurt asks. 

“I think there was at least one,” Puck says, standing up and putting all three of his letters into his backpack. “And is it okay if we do some rubbing in faces on the way out? I mean, it’s possible we’ll see people while we’re leaving to celebrate.” 

“Sounds good to me,” Finn says. “Do a little face-rubbing, a little celebrating, and a little accepting of offers. Have to make sure the money’s there, too, right?”

“Yeah, that too,” Puck agrees, threading a finger through a beltloop on Finn’s jeans and then Kurt’s pants, leading them out of the choir room. When they turn the corner onto the main hallway, he grins, catching their eyes. “So… what’s next?”


End file.
